


Those Summers

by shuhannon



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Growing Up Together, Slow Burn, Slow Burn Rey/Kylo Ren
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-09-16 17:23:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 23,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16958316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shuhannon/pseuds/shuhannon
Summary: "Rey lived for summers. Summer meant freedom. It meant feeling the hot sun on your skin, spending hours laying out and watching her complexion tan and more freckles form. Summer meant catching late night movies at the drive in with her best friends, or spontaneously going out for ice cream after dinner. It meant swimming in the ocean until your body ached in the best way from being tossed and thrown about in the waves. Summer meant being on her own schedule. When she was little that meant going to bed later and getting to race around town on her bike. As she got older, it meant school was swapped out for shifts at the local diner, where okay her boss Mr. Plutt was sort of an ass but the tips were decent and best yet, the money was her own. She could spend it where she saw fit. Or at least spend the portion that Maz didn’t make her put into her savings account.Summer also meant seeing him."Very loosely based on the trilogy, 'The Summer I Turned Pretty'. Snippets of Rey and Ben's lives over the course of various summers.





	1. Chapter One

Rey’s earliest memories of her parents were faint. They were like little pieces that didn’t quite fit together to make a bigger picture. She would day dream sometimes; would stare out into space during school or lay in bed late at night, her eyes fixated on her ceiling and she always imagined the same scenario. Her parents would show up. They would come back into her life as abruptly as they had left, swoop in with their apologies and excuses and all would be well. Whether they showed up in the middle of math class, or came knocking on the front door in the middle of the night. The location of this day dream changed, but everything else remained the same. Her parents would come back for her.

One day. 

Some days, especially those first few days that Rey had spent on her own, it was the only the promise of her parents coming back that kept her going. It was the fuel she needed when her belly growled with hunger and her whole body seemed to hurt; seemed to scream at her to stop and give up.

Rey had physically assaulted a police officer in a matter of moments, after they had found her digging around a junkyard when she was five. She was dirty. Her hair was stringy with grease, her clothes baggy and covered in filth, and she was nothing but skin and bones. Most kids would of just given up and cried. Most kids would of willingly gone anywhere with the promise of help and a hot meal. Not Rey. She fought back. Scrappy, they had called her. A spitfire.

But it was hard to find a five year old spitfire a place to live.

When her parents couldn’t be located, Rey had ended up in various foster homes within a quick succession. Then, as fate would have it, she ended up with Maz.

It was not love at first sight, that much was true. There was no trust. Rey had tried to run away numerous times. There had been plenty of fights and arguments, both between Rey and her new guardian, Rey and the other children. It was a hostile first few months and then…. Well, even Rey isn’t sure what changed. But something clicked and eventually Rey just stopped trying to resist. She still thought of her parents. Still imagined them showing up one day with endless excuses and the promise of a better life. But also became easier to accept life with Maz and the other kids that were in her care.

They lived in a sleepy beach town not too far from where Rey had been initially found. During the off season the population dropped to under 6,000. It was sort of living in a ghost town. Shops closed up, and houses remained uninhabited for months on end and the warm, sunny weather was swapped out for gray skies and cold temperatures. All the locals fell into the monotonous routine, biding time until the end of May when the beaches and streets would become crowded once again with tourists, usually around the same time when the temperatures would skyrocket and the sky would turn once again, bright blue.

Rey lived for summers. Summer meant freedom. It meant feeling the hot sun on your skin, spending hours laying out and watching her complexion tan and more freckles form. Summer meant catching late night movies at the drive in with her best friends, or spontaneously going out for ice cream after dinner. It meant swimming in the ocean until your body ached in the best way from being tossed and thrown about in the waves. Summer meant being on her own schedule. When she was little that meant going to bed later and getting to race around town on her bike. As she got older, it meant school was swapped out for shifts at the local diner, where okay her boss Mr. Plutt was sort of an ass but the tips were decent and best yet, the money was her own. She could spend it where she saw fit. Or at least spend the portion that Maz didn’t make her put into her savings account.

Summer also meant seeing him.

 

It had all started when Rey was seven. It was memorial day weekend. The unofficially official signal that summer was about to start. She was sitting out on the front porch, licking away at a blue popsicle, which was beginning to melt despite the somewhat overcast skies. Her hands were sticky, and she kept dragging her palms along her jean shorts, constantly trying to wipe the feeling away.

A moving truck was parked across the street, a couple men wearing tee shirts and jeans unloading various boxes and pieces of furniture. This wasn’t an unusual sight to see. Constantly houses were being sold, or long term renters would bring their own things for extended stays. Rey always loved to watch people move. She felt like a spy; like someone trying to figure out the answer to a riddle, and the only clues being the belongings that were unloaded from whatever vehicle they had arrived in. In fact, Rey couldn’t even remember if she ever even saw anyone in that house before today, which made her mission that much more exciting.

It was a large house. Probably the biggest on the street. It was as white as paper, with a dark gray roof and a long, wrap around porch that seemed to go on for miles. It towered over the other houses too, standing tall and proud with three stories, which of course didn’t include the widow’s walk that was perched on top of the roof. But it wasn’t just it’s grand stature. No. This house had a history about it. It wasn’t one of those sleek and modern looking new builds that seemed to be always popping up where tiny, shingle sided shacks had once sat. No, this house has withstand the test of time, and now apparently was getting a new lease on life with some new occupants.

She was so busy watching the movers, that Rey didn’t even notice when the family arrived. In fact, between trying to eat her popsicle and watching the show before her, she didn’t notice anyone apart from the moving men. 

“Hey!”

The voice was sharp. It jolted Rey out of her daydreaming, her eyes instantly narrowing in annoyance. She turned her head, seeing a tall boy a few feet away. He had dark hair and prominent features. The corner of his lips were curled down into a deep set frown. He was older than her. Probably fourteen, maybe fifteen? He had on a black tee shirt and jeans despite the warm summer heat that was just beginning to set in.

Rey of course had no problem giving back exactly what he had given. She scowled back, trying to match his annoyance and anger. It must of looked pretty ridiculous, like a small dog trying to appear tough, because it caused his face to relax, slowly morphing from irritation into confusion. She watched as his dark brown eyes took her in; her tee shirt stained and her melting popsicle only half eaten and coating her hand in a layer of blue goo.

“What?” Rey finally found her voice as she moved to slowly stand up and once again wiping her sticky hand along her denim clad thigh.

The boy seemed to hesitate, but it was fleeting and brief. He gave a roll of his eyes, folding his arms across his chest. “If you would take a fucking picture it would last longer.” Came his retort, his voice clipped and to the point, but it was tone was also quiet, like he was used to muttering smart responses under his breath. As if it was his first instinct to do. 

Now it was Rey’s turn to roll her eyes. She promptly gave him the finger, a gesture that felt bold and beyond her years because, well it probably was. Rey didn’t even really understand the gravity of the gesture either. It had just been something one of the other boys living in the house had seen in a late night movie that he had started to use during fights and squabbles. It was done in pure reflex; the only comeback that seemed to be worthy on such short notice, especially to a much older teenage boy that had no problem slipping the word ‘fuck’ into a conversation with a little kid. If you could even call this a conversation.

Either way, it worked.

The older boy paused, a look of shock momentarily appearing on his face before a smirk twitched at his lips. “What’s your name, kid?”

“Rey.” She paused, suddenly feeling slightly shy and very aware of the frantically melting popsicle that she was clutching tightly. She paused before adding, “What’s yours?”

“Ben.”

And with that, Rey’s life would never be the same again. With that, summer's became for Ben.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The ignition wasn’t even turned off when Rey was bounding out of the car. She left behind her shoes and backpack. She ignored Rose’s yells about needing help with carrying in the boxes of books that she had purchased at the end of year library sale. Rey suddenly had tunnel vision; had a one track mind. All she saw was the black car parked in the driveway across the street, and the tall figure that was standing on the front porch."

School was done for the year. It was the final hurdle to overcome; the last task to complete before the summer could officially begin. The weather had already warmed up, making the last couple of weeks of classes almost unbearable. The old building’s AC unit just couldn’t keep up with the summer heat settling in early coupled with the mass amounts of students and staff crammed into the classrooms and hallways. Rey had already swapped out her jeans for shorts, and her tees for tank tops. Pretty much everyone turned a blind eye to the student dress code the moment the temps hit the eighties. After all, it was bad enough to make kids sit in a humid classroom. It was just cruel to make them do it while dressed in anything but a summer wardrobe.

There was a thrill in the air; a level of excitement that couldn’t be contained the moment that the final bell rang. Rey jumped up out of her seat, a wide grin spread across her face. She had done it; had completed her junior year. Finals still had to be tallied and grades submitted, but Rey had felt pretty confident that she had passed the year, even if she had felt nothing good about her algebra final.

She was officially a senior now. One more year to go. This time next year she would be getting ready for the graduation ceremony and figuring out what she needed to pack for college. One more year.

But one more year was still one more year. It was still twelve months away. Rey didn’t want to think about this time next year. No, she wanted nothing more than to enjoy this moment; this one right here and right now. Everyone was hugging and hollering in the hallways on their way out of the building, saying their goodbyes even though they were making plans to spend the summer months together. Oddly enough, no one really seemed to be in a rush to go. It was easy to take your time when you knew you had a three month hiatus before you had to come back and walk these halls again.

Rey waved goodbye to a couple of familiar faces as she made her way through the school. Her backpack was slung over one shoulder, moving back and forth as she walked, a couple of binders and stray pieces of paper that she had cleaned out of her locker, clutched against her chest. 

“We did it!” She felt someone bump her purposefully, causing her body to rock from one side to the other. Rey didn’t even have to look to see who it was; Finn.

\- - - - - - -

They had met in the second grade, right after Rey had moved in with Maz and begun attending public school. They had been not only put in the same class, but had also sat beside each other. Finn had offered her some crayons, which Rey had begrudgingly taken, not really trusting or taking to the weird boy who was dressed in a clearly homemade Captain America outfit.

Finn proceeded to wear that outfit to school for almost a solid month. He, like Rey, had been new to the area, having moved in with his two aunts, and apparently wearing a red, white and blue costume to school was supposed to make the transition easier for him. Rey didn’t see the point in it; didn’t see the logic or understand how something so ridiculously looking could make you feel better. But the moment Rey saw Finn cornered on playground by the monkey bars, not even two weeks into the school year, something in her had snapped. She might not get it, but that didn’t give anyone else the right to make fun of her new friend. After all, he was the only other kid that would talk to her. Apparently biting members of the law enforcement gave you a reputation that proceeded you, even when you were only in the second grade. 

So Rey had threatened to bite those kids by the monkey bars unless they left Finn alone. Which they did. And eventually the homemade Captain America costume turned into a cloak held together with a leaf shaped broach, which then turned into round shaped glasses and a lightening bolt shape doodled onto his forehead which then faded away into jeans and graphic tees. But no matter what get-up Finn showed up to school in, Rey was always right there by his side, usually with a couple questions but no judgment. Finn’s costumes might of faded, but their friendship never did.

\- - - - - - -

“One more year.” Finn echoed her earlier thoughts, grinning as he wrapped an arm around Rey’s shoulder, pulling her close towards him. “One more year in this hell hole then we’ll be off to college in a big city.”

“You will be off to a big city.” Rey corrected, shooting her best friend a pointed look. “I’m still undecided.” She paused momentarily as Finn shot her a pout. “I just don’t want to rule any options out! What happens if I get a full ride to a state school in the middle of the country? As much as living in New York or Boston sounds great, I can’t exactly say no to free money, can I?”

“No,” Finn agreed with a heavy sigh, leaning his body into Rey’s as if the very idea of going to school without his best friend was making it hard to move. “No, but then you will be dragging your ass to visit me pretty much every weekend, because I will have exciting culture to share with you. And if you win the lottery, you have to promise to help pay back my student loans.”

“Deal.” They both grinned at each other, shaking hands as the agreement was made. 

They both continued to chat as they made their way through the hallways and out towards the student parking lot. Once outside the excitement seemed even more real. Many students were loitering around, music blasting from the car speakers as invitations to different end of the year parties were shouted from one person to the other.

Standing there in the middle of chaos, stood Rose Tico, leaning against the driver side of a silver Honda sedan. 

If Finn was the excitement of the group; a rapid river always changing course, well then Rose was steady and sturdy, more like a lake. She and her older sister, Paige had come to live with Maz a few years after Rey. Finn and Rey had become friends for survival reasons, which had morphed into something else. Rose and Rey had become friends because of convenience. They were the same age and sharing a bedroom. They got a long just fine, so friends they became. Rose fell right in sync with Finn, and thus the golden trio was born.

“I don’t know why Maz only lets you drive,” Rey whined, watching her other best friend look up from the book she was reading. Rey already knew the answer to her question. Rose was the responsible one. She was the only teenager that Rey knew who not only obeyed speed limits, but had the DMV handbook practically memorized. Yes, Rose was most definitely the steady, dependable one. Finn was pure emotion. And Rey? She liked to think she fell in the middle; that she was the ocean. She could be steady and dependable, but she could also be unpredictable and rough. A mixed bag, Maz liked to call her.

“Maybe because I’m the only one who hasn’t gotten a dent or a scratch on the car.” Rose retorted, an air of teasing superiority to her voice. She moved to get into the driver’s seat, as Rey climbed into the passenger side, and Finn took his proper spot in the middle of the backseat. The car had barely been turned on when Rey was already fidgeting with the radio, trying to find the right station that fit her mood. With one hand on the radio dial, the other was rolling down the passenger window, ignoring the cold air that was already blasting from the vents.

It didn’t take long for Rose to pull out of the parking lot and onto the main road, but already Rey felt like she had been in the car for too long. “Go faster,” Rey urged, moving to jab Rose in the shoulder. “Go ahead, pass that kid on the bike. Live on the edge. I dare you.” 

Rose and Finn shared a knowing look in the rear view mirror, but said nothing about their best friend’s impatience. Rey moved to rest her forearms along the window sill of the car, perching her chin on top of them as she enjoyed the way the breeze felt blowing across her face.

They dropped Finn off first, waving and yelling out the windows and promising that they would pick him up tomorrow night for the end of the year bonfire that Kaydel Connix was hosting down at the beach. 

Then the car was back on the road, driving slower than Maz, which was saying something. Their guardian was a bad ass in many ways, but driving? It left a lot to be desired and as a child, Rey had always seemed to be reminding Maz that ‘green meant go.’

“Oh look!” Rey’s voice was dry and sarcastic as she lolled her head to the side, giving Rose an agitated glare. “Someone in a wheelchair just passed us.”

Rose stuck her tongue out in retaliation, though her hands remained gripping the steering wheel (at ten and two) and her eyes didn’t leave the road even for a second. “If you think I’m such a slow driver, why didn’t you just take the bus home.” Rose gave a brief pause. “Or have him pick you up.”

Instantly Rey felt her face heat up, and she suddenly wished she had more of a tan to hide the blush that was stretching across her cheeks. “I’m not sure if he’s here yet.” Rey mumbled, to which Rose merely nodded in reply, a small smirk twitching at her lips. 

Rey clearly still felt antsy, but she didn’t make any more comments. Instead she just kept moving in her seat. One moment she had her head hanging out the window as if she was  
a golden retriever. The next, her shoes were off and her feet were perched up on the dashboard, as her fingers drummed against her thighs along with the radio. And then, after what seemed to be another painstakingly seven thousand years passed, Rose was pulling the car into the gravely driveway in front of their house. 

And this moment couldn’t come soon enough.

The ignition wasn’t even turned off when Rey was bounding out of the car. She left behind her shoes and backpack. She ignored Rose’s yells about needing help with carrying in the boxes of books that she had purchased at the end of year library sale. Rey suddenly had tunnel vision; had a one track mind. All she saw was the black car parked in the driveway across the street, and the tall figure that was standing on the front porch.

Her excitement could no longer be contained, and it showed with the wide grin spread across her face. Rey had never run so fast in her life. She seemed to cross the street in a matter of seconds, and the pair met halfway in the middle, on the front yard of the large historic house that Rey had always admired from afar.

She flung herself at him, throwing her arms around his neck, his familiar scent instantly filling her lungs and overcoming all of her senses as she held him close. She felt his large hands awkwardly moving to her sides, his touch hesitant and light. Then he seemed to relax, and Rey felt his palm momentarily press against the small of her back. The contact sent a jolt through her stomach, and instantly her body felt hot; felt humid and on fire.

“I didn’t know when you were getting in,” Rey said, her voice sounding muffled, her face pressed up against the black fabric of his tee shirt. She didn’t want to pull away yet. She wanted to hold onto this moment just a little bit longer; wanted to give her heartbeat a chance to slow down. She wanted to pull away only once she was sure that the blush was gone from her face.

“I got done with work early. I made good time getting out of the city.” Came his calm reply. Slowly they parted, and once again Rey found herself hoping that her pink cheeks weren’t sticking out like a sore thumb. Her pulse was racing, and Rey was pretty sure if he listened real hard, he would be able to hear her heat threatening to beat out of her chest.

Rey fell silent for a moment, just tilting her chin up as she took him in. He always looked different at the beginning of the summer. He always looked different but he always looked the same as well. He was Ben, after all; her Ben. The same Ben that she had followed around like a lost puppy when she was seven and he was sixteen. The same Ben that had taught her how to swear and skip rocks; the same Ben that had snuck her into her first R-rated movie. Ben; the first person she felt who truly understood her.

Summers were for the two of them, and that, besides Maz, had been the one constant and certainty in Rey’s life. It was what she lived for; it was how she counted her life. Some people thought of September as the beginning of the year, or even January, when they could start a fresh start with a new date. But that had never been how Rey counted time. No, her year began in May, once school was out and Ben was here. 

“You always make good time,” Rey retorted, moving to probe him in the shoulder. “You always make good time because you don’t follow any of the traffic laws and you zip through traffic like you’re some crazy ass driver.” 

“Do fucking not.”

“Do too.”

Ben let out an agitated sigh, exhaling heavily through his nose, though Rey spotted a small smile in the corner of his lips. She grinned right back at him, her own smile wide enough to make even the cheshire cat envious. And then, as if right on cue for their unspoken timeline of events, her stomach gave a loud rumble. Ben instantly rolled his eyes.

“I haven’t even been here five fucking minutes and you’re already trying to get food out of me.” 

Rey pretended to look offended, before she gave a sheepish shrug of her shoulders. “I can’t help that I’m a growing girl. Besides, lunch was shit at school. Nothing but gross peanut butter and jelly. God forbid you end the year with something edible.” 

She looked over at him again, watching as his eyes seemed to rake over her form, looking for changes in her the same way that Rey had just been looking for changes in Ben. Rey knew that she was taller than last summer. Maz always seemed to be complaining about how much Rey grew. She was either emptying out the pantry and fridge due to her seemingly never satisfied appetite, or she was asking for money for clothes; her jeans were too short or her tees were venturing into crop top territory. Rey was already pretty tall, though now that she was next to Ben, she felt small in comparison. He was the only person that Rey could ever count on having to look up too.

“Feed me, Seymour.” Rey began to move her hands together, pretending to be the cannibalistic plant from Little Shop of Horrors. Finn might be the dramatic friend, but Rose was the one who forced them to watch musicals. “Feeeed meeeee.”

“Alright, alright!” Ben held up his hands up in defeat, a mumbled ‘fuck’ slipping out under his breath. “I’ll feed you.” He glanced around, moving to grab his car keys from the pocket of his jeans. Looking down towards Rey’s feet, Ben cocked an eyebrow. “You don’t even have shoes.”

Her brown eyes followed his gaze, and sure enough, her sneakers were still in Rose’s car. It was only across the street, but Rose was notorious for locking the doors, despite the fact that Rey was pretty sure that even if a thief did show up on their street, they wouldn’t be looking in the ten year old Honda for valuables. 

“We’ll go to the Clam Shack.” Came her suggestion. “You don’t really need shoes to go there.” Ben nodded in agreement. Going to a tourist trap of a place wasn’t going to be his idea of fun. Then again, the only restaurant that Ben seemed to like to go, was the diner off of the interstate. But that was at least fifteen minutes away, and you most certainly needed to shoes in there. The Clam Shack? It was a glorified shed that didn’t even offer any sort of seating. It didn’t care if you came in a ball gown or covered in salt water and seaweed. They just fed you.

“I can drive!” Rey’s voice was excited and too loud, as she darted to try and grab the car keys from Ben’s grasp. But he was one step ahead. He took advantage of his height, holding the keys high above his head and out of Rey’s reach. Of course that didn’t stop her from jumping, trying to grab onto his arm and pull his hand down. 

“Like hell you will,” Ben retorted, leaning back more as he tried to keep his keys away. “There’s a reason that Rose fucking drives you around. You’re shit at it.”

“Am not!” Determination was etched into her freckled features, and she leaned more onto Ben, trying to hold onto his shoulder and use it as leverage to jump higher into the air. “Besides, you’re the one that taught me how to drive!”

Snorting, Ben gave a wave of his hand as if say ‘a minor detail’. Rey gave up her quest to try and steal the keys. Accepting defeat, she instead just slid into the passenger seat of Ben’s car. It was a mess, as usual. CD cases seemed to line the floor, while various wrappers and empty soda bottles were all over the backseat. “You know,” Rey began to say, moving to grab her seat belt. “If you would just let me put your music on your phone, or even an ipod-”

“No.”

“But Ben, then you wouldn’t have to bother with the CD’s-”

“No.”

Rey let out a frustrated growl, rolling her eyes at her best friend’s stubborn nature. They had been having the same argument for the past year. Ben refused to give up his CD’s and Rey couldn’t understand how you could turn down the convenience of having all your music in one place, able to jump from different genres and different songs without the nuisance of swapping out a disc. So far, neither side had made any movements towards the middle. They were both stubborn, and because of it, had been at a stalemate for quite some time.

So Rey opted to drop it. She instead began to sort through the CD’s at her feet, before she found one of her favorites and slipped it into the CD player. Her favorite song was the first one, and she began to bob her head up and down to the beat, drumming her fingers on the side of the car door, as her free hand moved to push a brown lock of her hair from her eyes.

“You cut it.” Ben paused, clearing his throat slightly as he glanced over at Rey. “Your hair. It was longer last time I saw you.”

Nodding her head, Rey moved to toy with the ends of her hair which now reached about to her collar bone. “Rose did it for me. I wanted something different.” I wondered if you would notice. “A change.” She shifted in her seat, positioning herself so that she could look at Ben without having to keep turning her head. “Your’s is getting long.” Rey smirked, reaching over roughly tug on a strand of his dark hair. Ben batted her hand away, scowling. His hair had always been longer. Rey had seen a picture of him when he was eleven or twelve once, which was probably the last time Ben had ‘short’ hair. When you had big ears, which Ben did, Rey figured you did what you could to mask them.

Now his hair was longer, almost towards his chin, though it had a bunch of shaggy layers. “You’re growing a beard too, huh?” Rey asked, raising an eyebrow. “Aren’t you sophisticated.”

“No, I’m just twenty-four years old.” Ben dryly responded, and instantly Rey went silent. She hated when their ages were brought up. Hated when they were reminded of the large gap between them. It was even worse when he would start to talk about something and then just stop mid sentence. He always did the same thing; would always shake his head and just tell her to ‘forget it’, as if her immature mind couldn’t possibly grasp whatever he was talking about. 

Rey hated anything that made them seem different. And the eight, almost nine years between them was the biggest elephant in the room. Of course Ben had always been older than her. They had meet when she was seven, and he was, well the age that she was now. But something had changed and shifted at one point. The age became less of a fact and more of a barrier; of a line in the sand that had him on one side, while she was stuck on the other.

Shifting again in her seat, Rey realized she was pouting. Her arms had been folded across her chest, her body slumped down. She moved to straighten up; moved to tug at her jean cut offs and the hem of her tank top, both which were pretty basic staples in her wardrobe, though they now seemed juvenile and to show her age. Leaving school today, Rey had felt mature. She was going to be a senior. She was sixteen, would turn seventeen over the summer. Now she felt even more like the tag along kid sister, making her brother drive her to get food.

“How did your finals go?” Ben asked, glancing over at Rey again. The last thing she wanted to talk about was school, but it was better than sulking in silence like a pouting six year old.

“Fine. I figured a got B’s on most of them, maybe a C in Algebra but that was my hardest one.” Rey answered, trying to sound nonchalant though she was pretty sure her voice came out more stiff and grumpy. Pausing, she moved to change the song on the radio. “How’s your school going?” She countered, turning the tables back on Ben. He was getting his masters in architecture. And from how Ben had been talking last summer, it seemed that he would be finishing up soon. They had always teased each other about who would graduate first; Rey or Ben. Of course Rey had hoped it would be her. Ben got to do everything first. The least he could do would be to allow her this one victory. 

She waited for his answer, watching as he shifted slightly in the driver’s seat. “Fine.” Ben replied, offering no more information than that. Rey knew something was up, but she also knew Ben. To try and push and prod for more information wouldn’t work. You had to let Ben come to you. She knew from past experience that harassing and badgering would lead to absolutely nothing. So, Rey didn’t push the subject of school. After all, she didn’t really want to talk about school in the first place.

Lucky for both of them, Ben pulled into the parking lot for the Clam Shack. Despite the fact that the tourists hadn’t settled in for the summer yet, the place was still busy. Parking his car in the first available spot, the pair soon joined the long line in front of the white shed that served the best fried clams and lobster rolls in town, all through a small take out window. Despite how busy the place was, the line moved quickly, which Rey was thankful for. Shoes might not be required, but her feet were already becoming a bit sore from standing in the gravely parking lot.

Ben ordered a burger, Rey got the fried clam roll, and after a brief moment of bickering, decided to share an order of fries. They carried their hot food back to the car, and opted to sit on the hood of Ben’s black Subaru, since the majority of the picnic tables were crowded with hoards of families and teenagers. 

Rey didn’t even bother to wait for her food to cool down before she was taking a large bite. Instantly her mouth was filled with the delicious flavors of white bread and fried sea food. And it was also filled with regret as the severity of her actions sunk in. Or, more accurately, the roof of her mouth began to burn against the hot, deep fried strips of clams. Waving her arm dramatically, Rey was reaching across Ben, trying for his large cup of iced tea that he had been holding. Grabbing the cup roughly, she gulped down large sips of it, not even caring that Rey didn’t even like iced tea in the first place.

Looking amused, Ben gave a small shake of his head. He picked up a fry, popping it into his mouth and chewing before he spoke. “Told you, you’d want a drink.” He moved to take his cup back from Rey, taking his own sip before he set it back down on the hood of his car.

Rey glared at him, her mouth no longer feeling like it was on fire, though she was sure she would have a pretty decent ulcer later. “Shut up,” She muttered, swatting at him again. Her legs were swinging, the backs of her shins lightly ‘thudding’ against the front of his car. She only allowed herself a moment of recovery, before she was once again taking too large of a bite. It was still hot, but not painfully so. And god, it tasted so good. 

For a few moments, Ben nor Rey spoke. They just ate in comfortable silence, eating and people watching. Rey saw a couple kids she recognized from school, but no one that she was close enough to, to talk to. She caught Ben looking over at her more than once, and on the third time, she made a face back at him, raising her eyebrow in question.

“Friends?” Ben asked, jerking his head over towards a rowdy group of teenage boys, most of which were from her high school. For some reason, Rey felt her face turn pink, as she dropped her gaze down to the french fries, her fingers picking through them, trying to eat the smallest ones first. “No, they just go to my school. They’re graduating this year, I think.”

Ben simply nodded once more, looking over to the group for another moment as he finished up eating his burger. Now it was Rey’s turn to stare. Her lips were pressed together, as she studied Ben’s face, watching the way his brow seemed to furrow and his large mouth always seemed to be turned down in a permanent frown. A smile from Ben was a rare treasure. Rey could probably count on one hand the times she had got a genuine smile or laugh from him, and she always had to work extra hard for every single one. 

But something seemed off, even for the usually grumpy Ben. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but something wasn’t right. He would tell her. He always eventually did. Rey just had to be patient, and when he was ready he would talk. But god, being patient sucked so hard. She was absolutely terrible at it, even when she knew it was the right path to take.

Scooting closer towards him, she nudged her shoulder into his. He of course, felt solid, like he was carved from stone. Rey had to wait a moment before he finally looked her way. “Hey,” Rey said, dropping her voice slightly, She fell silent then, opening her mouth but not letting any more words come out. She wanted to say something meaningful; wanted to ask him what was up, or say how glad she was that he was spending the summer at the beach again. But instead, nothing purposeful came out. Instead, Rey reverted back to her default goal; to make Ben laughed. Instead, Rey let out a large burp.

It worked, or well at least it almost did. He snorted, the corners of his mouth curving up just enough that Rey could count it as a victory, albeit a small one. “You’re fucking gross.” Raising a large hand, he moved to ruffle the top of her head before hopping down off of the hood of his car. “C’mon kid, let’s get you back home before Maz has a fit.” Rey wanted to point out that it was early; that it wasn’t anywhere near her curfew. But she also didn’t want to spoil the moment; didn’t want to tarnish her first day of the summer with Ben. They had the next three months to spend together. She could be patient. She could be mature. She could go with the flow. If Ben was ready to head back to the house, then she could go along without complaint. Really, she could. She could prove to him that she wasn’t just some tag along kid anymore.

So, finishing off her sandwich, Rey slid off of the car, she gathered her trash, and tossed it into the nearby trash can. Running her hands over the front of her tank top, Rey brushed away any stray crumbs before she moved to stand in front of Ben, a wide, innocent smile on her face. “Let me drive back? Pretty please?”

Ben stared at her, before he let his head drop, his dark hair moving to frame his face like a dark curtain. Rey suddenly wanted to do nothing more than to reach up and run her fingers through it; wanted to feel it’s silky texture. She just see what it would be like; wanted to just give it a try. But no, Rey resisted. It took all of her willpower to keep both hands firmly by her sides but she managed to do so. And then Ben was lifting his head up as he let out a sigh, the moment passing as he held up his hands, his car keys dangled between his forefinger and thumb.

“Don’t make me regret this, kid.” Ben warned, though there was a teasing edge to his tone.

Rey instantly snatched up the keys, her smile growing even more wide and more genuine. “I won’t. No regrets, I promise.” And then with a squeal, they both got back into the car, Rey in the driver’s seat and Ben right beside her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cannot thank you guy's enough for the comments i received on the first chapter! here's the next part of the tale. i hope you enjoy it, and please give me your feedback in the comments below! thanks again.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Much like her feelings, Rey pushed those thoughts away. There would be a day when they reared their ugly head, but that wasn’t now. So why waste time and energy worrying about it? No, now Rey had other fish to fry.
> 
> She was regretting that she had agreed to attend the end of year bonfire with Finn and Rose. She hated things like this; groups of drunk teenagers who always ended up doing something stupid."

To be honest, Rey wasn’t sure when it first happened. She wasn’t sure of the exact moment that she knew she was in love with Ben Solo. Maybe because it was always there. It was something that had always been a part of her, like the way her skin always freckled under the sun and her distaste for sour cream and onion chips. She couldn’t explain it. All Rey knew was that she had always felt that way, and it didn’t seem to be going anywhere anytime soon.

Of course she wasn’t unrealistic about it. There was an almost nine year age gap between them, not that Rey liked to think about it. She was, at the very most a surrogate kid sister and the very least a close friend. Nothing more. Nothing more would ever happen. Nothing more could ever happen. It was the same old mantra that she had repeated to herself for years; when she was lying in bed at night during the winter months and missing their face to face chats. When his hand brushed against hers, clearly by mistake yet Rey also felt like maybe it lingered just a second too long. When she caught him laughing, genuinely laughing at something stupid she did or said, and she could watch the way his head would tilt back and revel in the sound of his laughter coming from deep down in his belly. They were all moments of pure joy and excitement and euphoria, followed by that same old mantra; it was never going to happen.

Rose and Finn always liked to tease her about it, yet they always managed to do so without actually bringing it up. It was subtly done. Like they were sort of acknowledging the giant elephant in the room without pointing a finger directly at said elephant. They would slip in little comments here or there. Would tease her about how they could tell by her face when she was texting Ben. It had been a running gag for years how Rey was unavailable from the beginning of June until the end of August. Rose always liked to add in a little dig how despite the fact they shared a room, she never really saw Rey at all during those summer months.

For the most part, Rey would just roll her eyes. She would swat at her friends, or give back a sarcastic reply. Sometimes her cheeks would flush, but that was all she really gave away. She refused to admit it out loud. No, this was her own little secret. She didn’t want to say it. Didn’t want to hear the words from her lips. The last thing in the world that Rey wanted to do, was somehow tarnish her relationship with Ben. Because as much as she knew nothing more would ever come of it, she also held onto the tiny sliver of hope that maybe, someday, something would. Because after all, what was nine years when you were thirty and thirty-nine? Or even twenty-one and thirty? It really didn’t matter when you were seventy-three and eighty-two. Age was just a number. Rey was growing up, and maybe okay she wasn’t exactly the epitome of maturity right now, but one day he would see. One day he would have to acknowledge the fact that she wasn’t a child anymore. One day. Rey just had to be patient. Rey just had to wait.

So waiting is what she did. She did her best to push any thoughts or feelings aside. She did her best to keep things normal; to keep them as they always have been. Rey pined for these summers all year long, and the last thing she wanted was to ruin them with her feelings. Apart from the rare moments in which she divulged in letting those feelings come forward in her mind, Rey tried to act like they were the same old Ben and Rey that they had been since she was seven. They goofed around, spent time together, and drove off to the diner off of the interstate for bad coffee and pancakes in the middle of the night. It was their routine; their summer ritual and Rey was going to cling to it. It was a life raft in the middle of the storm.

When Ben finished college, Rey was afraid that things were going to change. Apart from one year when he had an internship, they had spent every summer for almost the past ten years. That was thirty months together. One hundred and thirty weeks. Three thousand, six hundred and fifty days. And the moment Ben had graduated from Northeastern, Rey was so proud but also afraid that this would be it. That things wouldn’t change. Ben was officially an adult; had a degree and was going to get a job that would hardly give two, almost three months off every summer. She had braced herself for the unavoidable reality and had been mentally preparing herself. But then Ben had surprised everyone by saying he was going on for his masters right away. His mother had argued that trying to find work was more important, while his father encouraged him to take a year off to travel and see the world. Ben did neither of those things. He returned to the beach house right after graduation, and started his master’s program in the fall. 

That had been over a year ago, and yet the summer plans remained. Ben hadn’t said anything about when he would graduate, though Rey knew it would have be coming up soon. But she was also afraid to ask. So she didn’t. Sometimes ignorance was bliss. Their summers together would be coming to an end eventually, and as much as Rey wanted to be smart and mature, she also wanted to hide her head in the sand. She wanted to avoid the day when Ben gave her a call and said he wouldn’t be able to get the summer off.

Much like her feelings, Rey pushed those thoughts away. There would be a day when they reared their ugly head, but that wasn’t now. So why waste time and energy worrying about it? No, now Rey had other fish to fry.

She was regretting that she had agreed to attend the end of year bonfire with Finn and Rose. She hated things like this; groups of drunk teenagers who always ended up doing something stupid. Most of the time she was able to avoid parties between having to work weekend shifts at the local cafe. That, plus the fact that it was hard to come up with an alibi that Maz would believe. Her guardian was seemingly all seeing and all knowing. Her thick glasses might of given off an air of blindness to some poor unsuspecting person that didn’t know Maz the way Rey did. That woman saw everything. She knew everything. It was both impressive and terribly frightening. 

But Maz wouldn’t be a problem tonight. Rey had no idea what Rose had said; what argument she had tried, but whatever it was had worked. She wasn’t sure if Maz really knew where the girls and Finn were headed to tonight and was just allowing it due to good behavior, or if Rose had managed to pull a rare fast one over their guardian. Rey wasn’t really going to ask. But she also didn’t want to be a shitty friend and ruin the night for Rose by blabbing about their true intentions for the night.

So stuck between a rock and a hard place, Rey found herself getting ready for the party on Saturday night. Kaydel Connix’s end of the year parties were infamous. Rey actually really liked Kay. She was nice, smart and pretty level headed despite her popular status in the high school hierarchy. Her parties were always a blast, and people were usually still talking about them come September. The biggest dramas of the summer always seemed to get their start at Kay’s party, and to Finn, it was absolutely a sin to miss. Rose always tagged along because she claimed she loved to people watch, and a beach full of drunk teenagers was a recipe for the perfect scene to watch. Rey always offered to work at Plunk’s the first weekend after school was out. All the other teenage employees were scrambling to get off, but somehow (probably due to Finn and Rose’s interference), she hadn’t been scheduled this year. 

Of course just because she was going didn’t mean she would have the stay the whole time. No, Rey would commit to an hour or maybe two, tops. Then maybe she would see if Ben wanted to catch a movie, or hit up the diner, or go for a drive. Yep, she would be a cliche teenager for a couple hours and then return to her usual summer activity of hanging out with Ben. That was the plan and no matter what Finn or Rose said, Rey was going to stick to it.

She didn’t even bother putting on her swimsuit. Rey dressed simply in a pair of cut off jean shorts and a tee shirt, with a black hoodie tied around her waist in case the night turned cool. She pulled her hair back into a half pony, slipped on a pair of sandals and she was ready to go. Glancing at her phone, she saw a text from Finn that he would be a few minutes late picking her up. Rose had been volunteering at the library all day, and was just going to meet them straight at the bonfire. 

Letting out a small sigh, Rey figured she would just hangout on the front porch until Finn made his grand entrance. She made sure she had her phone and keys, bid goodbye to Maz (who didn’t even remind her of curfew, what the hell did Rose say?!) as well as a couple of the other kids that were hanging out in the living room.

It was warm out, despite the fact it was well after seven. Rey checked her phone again as she stood on the front porch, but didn’t see any updated ETA texts from Finn. Looking across the street out of instinct, Rey wasn’t at all surprised to see Ben sitting on his own front porch, his black Subaru parked in his driveway. 

Without hesitating even the slightest bit, Rey made her way across the street and up the wide expanse of grass that formed Ben’s front yard. It was one of the few houses on the street with a large stretch of yard. Their property was huge, and Rey knew it had been in his family for generations. Every couple of years a developer or rich individual would approach his family about selling all or part of the property so that another house or some condos could be built on it. But Ben and his family always said no. Ben’s mom always joked that it would be over her dead body that they would try and cram another too tall house onto their land, or even worse, demolish the historic white beach house that had been around for over a century, just to put in a ton of rental properties.

Rey always loved Ben’s house. She had loved it before she had even met him; before his family had started spending summers in it. It was old yet perfectly maintained. It had so many stories and secrets in it’s walls. Her favorite part was the widow’s peak that sat on the very top of the house. Ben and Rey had spent so much time up there, just reading or playing Jenga; talking or just enjoying each other’s company while totally silent. It was their place. It was where they would go when they were upset or they just wanted to escape. It was their haven. It was just for them.

Looking away from the widow’s walk as she came closer to the house, Rey used her long legs to skip a step or two as she bounded up the front porch steps. “Whatcha doing?” Rey asked, throwing herself down besides Ben on the wooden porch swing. He had a notebook in his hands, which he moved to close as Rey got closer.

“Do you ever sit down without a fucking flop?” Ben asked, as the swing gave a sharp jolt with Rey’s added wait.

His grouchy greeting didn’t even phase Rey. She merely grinned, pushing her feet off of the floor which caused the swing to give another jolt backwards. “Nope. Maz says I’m a lot of things, but graceful isn’t one of them.”

Rey had never done anything graceful in her entire life. She was all limbs, and her guardian had compared her to a newborn giraffe on more than one occasion. But whatever. Rey didn’t care. You could get farther in life with other skills than walking into a room like a graceful ice skater. Rey hadn’t been born into a family of refinery and class. Clearly her genetic make up for elegant movements was lacking.

“You didn’t answer my question.” Rey added, looking pointedly at the notebook that was still sitting on Ben’s lap.

He rolled his eyes, moving to set the notebook over on a side table besides the swing. “Just working on… stuff. None of your business.” He paused, raising an eyebrow as he looked over at Rey. “Do you have mascara on? Where the hell are you off to?” Again he paused, a teasing smirk between to spread across his lips. “Hot date?”

“No!” The word came out of Rey a bit faster and with more force than she intended. She moved to pick up a lock of her brown hair, twisting it around her forefinger as she continued to push her feet off of the ground, making the swing rock back and forth. “It’s that big end of the year bonfire. Y’know, the one Kay Connix always has? Usually I’m working but this year I’m off, so Rose and Finn are forcing me to go. They say we need to make ‘teenage memories’ or some cliche shit like that.” She snorted, dropping her arms down to her sides, her hands moving to lightly grip the edge of the swing. “We still have a year of high school left, but you would think we were headed off to college next week, never to see each other again.”

Rey felt a small twinge of guilt in her stomach. Because she knew, in some ways, this would be the last normal summer for the trio of friends. Next summer would be filled with getting ready for college in the fall and making sure they crammed as much time together as possible. Unless they all managed to get into the same school. That had been the plan since middle school, but Rey was realistic. Finn and Rey had similar grades, but Rose was a straight A student with a 4.0 GPA. She was destined for an ivy league, or at the very least some elite private school with a hefty tuition. And she deserved that. Rey, on the other hand would have to base her college off of cost and where ever she could manage to get financial aid or maybe some sort of partial scholarship. Finn wanted to go to a city, no matter what. As much as they wanted to stick to their seventh grade pact, well, the odds of that happening… They were pretty slim.

So, Rey was letting herself be forced to attend a party that she really didn’t want to. She was trying to be a good friend.

“You’re going to _that?_ ” Rey turned her head towards Ben, her eyes slightly widened in surprise at the shock in his voice. She knew that Ben hardly had some strong inner moral compass. She had witnessed the aftermath of his underage drinking on a number of occasions. In fact, he had shown up completely high to one of her swim meets when she was ten. He had wiped out all the packs of fun dip that she had bought at the concession stand to eat before her relay race. 

“Yes.” The single word came out slowly, as the swing gradually came to a stop. “I wasn’t going to stay long. Just an hour or two to get Rose and Finn off my back.”

“You can’t go to that.”

Rey felt her cheeks begin to flush, her brow furrowed down as she frowned. “You do realize you partied way worse when you were my age. And more frequently. And less responsibly.”

Now it was Ben’s turns to have his face turn slightly pink. He gave a small shake of his head, rolling his eyes as he moved to stand up. “Which is exactly why you shouldn’t go. Those end of the year bonfires always get out of hand. Connix’s older sister was a couple grades behind me, and she always threw the biggest, out of control parties. You can’t say the apple didn’t fall far from the damn tree and that her sister’s just hosting some wholesome get together.”

She could not believe this. Why was he acting this way? He had been back for barely twenty-four hours and what? They were already going to have their first argument? She hated when he pulled this ‘over protective big brother’ bull shit. Where did he get off telling her what she could or couldn’t do?!

Sucking in her cheeks slightly, Rey also moved to get to her feet, her arms folded tightly across her chest. “You do realize you’re not here for the majority of the year, right? This could be a normal Saturday night for me. For all you know, I get drunk every damn weekend, September through May.”

Ben gave a snort of disbelief. “Yeah right, kid. Which is why you’re texting me about the damn Harry Potter marathons on TV. at least once a month, and I know for a fact that you’re working the other weekends. I know you. I might not be around all the time, but I know you’re not out getting fucking drunk on the beach.”

Rey felt her face turn even brighter, and she wasn’t sure if it was due to being surprised by Ben’s reaction, or the fact that he was right. Rey hardly ever went to parties, and when she did she was usually the designated driver. He was entirely right in the picture he had painted. She usually was at home, watching some sort of movie marathon or binge watching Netflix, all while texting Ben. Either that or she was working. Fucking Ben and his ability of always being right.

And he knew he was right too. She could tell by the smug expression on his face. He had a knowing look in his eyes. He had called her out on her bluff, and now she was scrambling for a comeback.

Luckily for Rey, she heard the sound of a car pulling up in front of Ben’s house, followed by a long honk of a horn. She was literally being saved by the bell. Thank god for Finn.

“So maybe I don’t go to parties all the time,” Rey admitted, taking a few steps towards Ben. “But I’m going tonight. And lucky for me, you’re not my guardian or my big brother, so you have zero say on where I go or what I do.” She moved past him, taking quick strides. And she was almost in the clear; almost able to walk away and that would be the end of that.

But then she felt it; his fingers curling around her forearm. His grip wasn’t too strong, but tight enough that he could turn her around with a small tug. The action took Rey by surprise. She just stood there, glancing down at his large hand encircling her arm, and then up to Ben’s face. He looked serious; his mouth curved down at the ends and his eyebrows furrowed into a hard line. She was also pretty sure there was a small bit of hurt etched into his features too, though even with a gun held to his temple, Rey knew that Ben would never admit it. She knew what did it too; ‘you’re not my big brother’. Her words echoed in her ears, and instantly Rey wished she could take them back. She wanted to shock him; wanted for once to have the last say, and it seemed, for the briefest of moments that she was going to get it. But then Ben spoke again.

“Just call me, alright? If you need a ride or get too wasted.” His voice was low, and it was only then that Rey realized just how close they were standing. She did nothing but give a small nod in response. Ben let go of her arm almost as quickly and swiftly as he had taken a hold of it. Rey’s movements began to feel like her body was going into autopilot. She turned away from Ben, walked off the porch, and made her way across the street to where Finn was waiting in his car.

\- - - - - - -

Three hours later, Rey was still at the party. The sun had set, and the beach was illuminated only by the different bonfires that had been lit about an hour or so earlier. She had avoided any and all questionable looks that Finn had thrown at her in the car. The moment they had arrived at the secluded stretch of beach that Kay’s family owned, Rey made a beeline for the keg sitting in the sand. She filled up her plastic cup with beer, downed almost all of it, and then got another.

Long ago Rey had lost track of how many times she had filled up her cup. She wasn’t even sure that she was still drinking beer. Raising the red solo cup to her lips, she took another sip and nope, that sickeningly sweet, red colored liquid was most definitely not Budweiser or Miller Lite or anything that could be classified as a beer.

Despite not knowing what she was drinking, Rey found herself having fun. She was letting loose for once, and it felt damn good. Finn and Rose were around somewhere, and the music playing was actually decent, and it was cool but not so cold that Rey was freezing but maybe she should find her hoodie and…

Rey plopped down in the sand. She was closer towards the ocean, a bit further away from the hoards of teenagers crowding around the drink coolers and bonfires. Rey had always liked the ocean. She liked the way the waves moved. She liked how the ocean both made her feel safe and slightly scared. You could go swimming in the water without any issue. You could swim laps, or body surf; could splash around and have fun. And the next minute, you could realize how far those waves had swept you out. You could get caught in an undercurrent and not be able to break free. You never knew where you stood with the ocean. And no matter how many times you went swimming at the same beach; no matter how well you thought you knew your swimming skill set or how the waves were going to act, the ocean always seemed to get the upper hand; always seemed to surprise you in the end.

Now that Rey thought about it, the ocean was kind of like Ben.

Ben.

Ben. Ben. Ben.

Was she fighting with Ben? Was Ben mad at her? Had she hurt Ben’s feelings? 

Rey missed Ben. She took another gulp of her drink before she pulled out her phone from the pocket of her sweatshirt. Actually it wasn’t her sweatshirt. She had stolen it from Ben about three summers ago. It had been in the backseat of his car, and she wasn’t even cold, but out of pure impulse Rey had stolen it. She had liked the fact that she had a little piece of him after he went back to Boston. Ben had never said anything, and Rey hadn’t either. Another mother fucking elephant in the room.

**Rey:** ur the ocean!!!111!

She didn’t expect him to reply right away. But she had barely raised her cup to her lips again, when her phone was vibrating and his response was popping up on the screen.

**Ben:** you’re fucking drunk.

It wasn’t a question. It wasn’t an inquiry. No it was a statement. And even though it was true, Rey let out a huff at the fact he was just assuming he was right after only one text. He always had to be right, didn’t he?

**Rey:** am nootttt.

**Ben:** where are you? are you still at the beach?

**Rey:** u r the beach. u r waves. i like the waves so so so nice

**Ben:** i thought you were only staying for an hour. where’s rose or finn? whose taking you home?

That was too many questions. Rey looked down at her phone, concentrating really hard but having a rough time actually able to formulate a response in her head, let alone being able to text back one. Instead she just hit an emoji at random; the one with the kissing face and the heart beside it. Yeah, Rey gave a little nod of her head. That seemed like a good response.

Feeling as if she was done with her phone, she returned it to the pocket of her (no Ben’s), sweatshirt. It continued to vibrate, but Rey ignored it. Instead she finished her drink and moved to stand up, which was easier said than done when you were barefoot in the sand. She looked out towards the ocean again, almost like she was debating going for a swim. 

But then someone let out a large whoop from the party a few feet away. A song that Rey really liked came on the portable speaker that someone had brought, and like a moth drawn towards a flame, Rey found herself wandering back towards the party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the next installment is up and running! Sorry to leave you on a cliffhanger, but I have good news! This chapter was originally going to be longer, but I ended up cutting a big section which is now the beginning of chapter four. Which means I already have a good jump start on the next chapter. I'm hoping to have it up by Wednesday at the latest, as long as life stays calm!
> 
> Thank you all so much for your comments and kudos. I appreciate it greatly, and I'm glad to see you're enjoying it! Thanks again, and please feel free to leave any comments/questions/etc. down below! Thank you again!


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He was weighing the pros and cons of a twenty-four year old man showing up to a high school party when his phone went off. It lit up from it’s place on the kitchen counter, and Ben practically lunged across the room, reaching for it. He picked it up, entered his pass code and saw the text from Rey.
> 
> Yep, she was drunk."

Ben could not believe he was dealing with this shit. He told himself he was going to stay out of it. She was right. He wasn’t her guardian. He wasn’t her big brother. He had no say in her life, just like she had no say in his. They were friends. Unconventional friends, but friends nonetheless. And she was sixteen, almost seventeen. She was a teenager, and she was entitled to drink underage and make terrible decisions at bonfire parties. Ben had done it. Ben had gotten wasted all the time during his high school days along with the summers spent at the beach. 

And Rey was right. She could be partying all year long, for as much as he knew. Sure they talked during the off season. They sometimes spoke on the phone, or would have a text thread going, though that was mostly means and screenshots of Tumblr posts. But it was nothing compared to how they were during the summer. They saw each other every day. Sometimes just for a couple hours. Sometimes they were together right after breakfast until midnight. Ben knew her better than he knew himself. And he knew that even if she did end up at a party during the school year, she wasn’t out getting wasted. She was responsible Rey. She might have the mouth of a sailor and the organizational skills of an octopus without arms, but she wasn’t reckless. She wasn’t stupid. She didn’t throw all caution to the wind.

So after she left, Ben had told himself he was going to stay out of it. And for the first hour or so he did just that. 

He kept himself busy. He was the only one at the house, but his mother was due to arrive later that night. So he cleaned up a bit; washed the leftover breakfast dishes that were still in the sink, and picked up the crap that he had left lying around. And after that was all done, Ben realized that only an hour had passed since his disagreement with Rey on the front porch. So then Ben began to check his phone, assuming that she would be texting him about how bored she was and if he wanted to grab pizza later.

But another hour came and went, without anyone contacting him. Well, other than his mother’s assistant informing him that her interview ran late and she wouldn’t be arriving at the beach house until closer towards midnight. Which was typical for Senator Leia Organa, political correspondent extraordinaire.

So Ben continued to try and keep himself busy. He turned on the TV. Then he turned it off. He put on some music, filling the house with noise as he wandered about, starting a load of laundry and throwing together a bowl of cereal for dinner. To be honest, Ben wasn’t really that hungry but eating filled up the time and gave him something to do. He ate slowly; chewed each bite of the Kashi Go Lean Crunch or whatever granola cereal shit had been left in the pantry from his mother’s visit in December. Ben couldn’t even tell if the cereal was stale or so healthy that you were supposed to be worried about breaking a tooth with every bite you took. Maybe it was a combination of both.

No matter, Ben ate the too crunchy cereal, chewing slowly and taking his time. Another hour passed at a dreadfully slow pace, and Ben was left pacing in the kitchen. Maybe he should just drive by the beach. He knew where the party was at. Like he had told Rey, he had been to a Connix bonfire before. It had been thrown by a different member of the family, but surely the location would be the same. Beach towns tended to stay with tradition. The parties always happened at the same spots, yet the cops either never got wind, or just turned the other cheek. Usually they stayed busy with tourists, and let the locals do as they pleased. There was a warped sense of community among all the locals; a kinship. Even between the cops and the underage partying teenagers.

He was weighing the pros and cons of a twenty-four year old man showing up to a high school party when his phone went off. It lit up from it’s place on the kitchen counter, and Ben practically lunged across the room, reaching for it. He picked it up, entered his pass code and saw the text from Rey.

Yep, she was drunk.

Their exchange was confusing, and Ben was trying to get some concrete answers out of her, when she sent some sort of weird fucking smiley face and then stopped replying altogether. _Screw the pro and con list,_ Ben thought as he shoved his phone into the back pocket of his jeans, as he grabbed his car keys. After all, it wasn’t like he was showing up to have some beers and hang out. He was on a mission.

\- - - - - - -

It didn’t take Ben long to get to the beach, but at the same time it felt like it took an eternity. The party was pretty easy to find, even if Ben hadn’t known where to go. They were in a small town, and it didn’t take an ace detective to put together the clues; the loud music, the amount of cars parked along the nearby street, and the carrying sounds of drunk teenagers in the air. Ben parked his car along the curb, ignoring how far away from the curb he was. What did it matter, anyways? The cops weren’t going to be stopping by to inspect park jobs so close to a party that they were trying to ignore.

Once on the beach, Ben assessed the scene before him. There were three or four different fires going, a bunch of kegs and coolers planted in the sand, and people everywhere. Some were seated in beach chairs, others were attempting to play beer pong on a portable picnic table, and a handful of brave souls were in their swimsuits, screaming and laughing as they splashed around in the incoming waves. 

Ben kept looking around, trying to spot Rey’s face in the crowd. A couple idiots greeted him as if he was a familiar face. Ben was pretty sure he didn’t know anyone there. He would be lucky if he even recognized those friends that Rey was always talking about, Rose and what was the other guy? Fred? Fawn? Whatever. It didn’t matter. He was friends with Rey, but he kept his distance from the rest of her life. That part was separate; was her own. Now Ben was kicking himself in the ass for at least not remembering what they looked like.

Raking a hand through his hair, Ben let out a small sigh. He tried asking around, but the music was too loud and everyone else seemed too fucking wasted. One blonde guy tried to hand him a cup full of something, while another red haired girl asked if he was in her gym class. Ben handed off the red solo cup to the girl, before he began to call Rey’s name. He just hoped she wasn’t one of those idiots going for a late night swim in the god damn ocean, because if he had to go into the fucking freezing water to get her, Ben was going to save her, and then strangle her.

Squinting in the dimly lit setting, Ben took a few steps towards the crashing waves, trying to tell if anyone down by the water was Rey. It was then when he heard her voice. She was singing. Loudly and badly. Turning his head, he began to move towards the sound, abruptly pushing past people and not really caring if he left pissed off teenagers in his wake.

Then Ben stopped.

She was dancing. She had a cup in her hand, and her hair had come out of the ponytail. She had on an over sized sweatshirt that Ben was pretty sure had been his at one point. She was moving in the sand, dancing with a group of people, her hands held up over her head and her hips swaying back and forth. 

Ben had never seen her like it before.

Rey wasn’t really uptight. She was actually pretty laid back, despite her feisty temper and stubborn nature. But Ben had never seen her, well, let loose this much. She clearly didn’t have a care in the world; was lost in her own little world. Then again, he also had never seen her drunk before. And if he wasn’t completely sure that she was drunk based on her text messages, well, he was damn sure now.

She was spinning around now, still trying to move her arms and hips in tune with the beat, her drink sloshing out of the sides of her cup as she picked up tempo. There were other people around her; people dancing close, yet it was clear that Rey was on her own. She wasn’t paying attention to what anyone else was doing, and because of this, she hadn’t noticed Ben.

But someone else had.

“Aren’t you a little old to be crashing high school parties, Solo?”

The slurred voice caused Ben to look away from Rey, and in direction of where the sound was coming from. So he was wrong. He did know someone here. Someone that he cared very little for; Finch Dallow. 

Finch had graduated two years ago, and his older brother, Layne had been a year or two younger than Ben. Layne actually was a pretty decent guy. Ben had gone to a lot of the same parties as with him when they were younger, and had even run into the guy about a year ago when they both ended up in Boston. But where Layne was laid back and easy to get along with, Finch was a different story. Ben might be a good six years or so older, and was hardly embroiled in the local drama, but even he had heard about what an asshole Layne Dallow’s brother had turned into.

Raising an eyebrow, he moved towards the younger man, letting out a small snort of disbelief. “You graduated two years ago. Or did everyone just decide to hold you back due to slow mental development?”

Ben watched the other man frown, watched how his fingers curled tighter around his can of beer. “You want to say that to my face?!”

Now all Ben could really do was let out a dry, sarcastic laugh. Was this guy serious? Maybe Ben had actually hit the nail right on the head. “I’m standing three fucking feet away from you, asshole.” He motioned towards the small amount of space between them, his expression one of partial disbelief at this guy’s idiocy. “If you’re having trouble hearing, I have no problem pointing out your flaws a little louder.”

“My flaws?! You’re the fucking pedophile creeping around some high school junior hoping to get into her-”

Finch didn’t get to finish his sentence. Crack. The sound of Ben’s fist connecting with Finch’s jaw went echoing through the air. Even with the music blaring and the noise of everyone talking and carrying on, the sound was enough to cause heads to turn.

Someone turned off the speaker. Another person yelled ‘fight’. All Ben saw was red. He didn’t even wait for Finch to get up, before he began to pummel the guy. Ben was standing over him, and his fists where moving in a blur of motion. He didn’t even know what he was hitting; if he was even trying to aim for a particular body part. No, all Ben could feel was the anger and adrenaline rushing through his veins. 

“Stop! Stop it! Ben!” 

It took him a moment to hear Rey’s voice. It took him even another moment to realize what she was saying. His chest was rising and falling quickly, beads of sweat forming on his face, as his hair began to stick to his cheeks and forehead. But eventually her words registered in his mind. He was hovering over Finch, who was a bloody mess laying in the sand. Ben had a fist arched in the air, his other hand was gripping the front of Finch’s shirt, which was also splattered with blood, his knuckles red and the skin irritated. 

He was completely frozen until he felt her hand on his back. It was only then that Ben slowly moved to stand up. He felt her fingers encircling around his wrist, giving his arm a small, sharp tug. The crowd of people that had zeroed in during the fight were now slowly backing away. The show was over. There was nothing else to see. Finch was being helped to his feet by a couple of his jock friends, and Rey just kept leading him away, to where, Ben had no clue. She was walking sloppily, her steps uneven on the sand, and she seemed to sway too much as she moved. Ben felt a ringing in his ears. His entire body felt hot; felt like he was about to combust at any moment.

It was the adrenaline. He was still coming down from it’s stray high. This wasn’t his first fight. Hell, this wasn’t even his first fight on this beach. But instead of focusing on the extra surge of energy that was coursing through his veins, he was focused on Rey. She was grounding him; was his tether. She was leading him away from the gawking eyes and drunken whispers. Away from the music and the chatter and the bonfires. How was it, Ben was supposed to be here to save her, and instead she was rescuing him? Why was she always rescuing him?

“Rey-” Ben finally said once they were a few yards away from the party.

But Rey didn’t say anything. Instead she let go of his wrist, and took a few hurried steps towards the ocean. She bent over, and the sounds of her puking into the wet sand filled the air.

Ben let out a sigh. His hands still felt shaky, but the reason of why Ben was here in the first place, was coming back.

“Rey, c’mon lets go get you some water.” He offered, taking a step towards his friend.

“No.”

Her voice was sharp. She was pissed, Ben could tell. He winced as the sound of her retching filled the air again. But he had to give her credit. She didn’t cry. She didn’t complain. She just wiped her mouth on the sleeve of her (his) hoodie, stood up and turned towards him, an accusing finger hanging in the air. It was as if the puking didn’t even happen.

“Why would you do that?! You can’t keep doing that!” She was glaring at him, her eyes narrowed and her cheeks flushed red. Her words came out slightly too fast. She was still drunk, but either the puking or the fight had caused her to at least momentarily sober slightly.

Ben frowned now, giving a small shake of his head as he took a step towards Rey. “You don’t know the whole situation. You don’t know what happened, what he-”

She cut him off. “I heard what he said. So what?! You don’t think it’s been said before? You don’t think worse comments have been made? You can’t just keep punching people when they say stupid shit. Someone eventually going to get pissed enough to do something back. You- you’re not untouchable. You’re not invincible, ben.”

Ben’s frown deepened, but he didn’t say anything right away. “Jesus, kid. You’re drunk. You’re not going to remember any of this in the morning, so let’s just get you home.” He paused, taking another small step towards her, his voice dropping down to a low murmur. “Please? We can talk about this in the morning.”

He really didn’t want to get into it right now. He didn’t want to talk about the comments that had been made, whether they were the ones tonight or ones of the past. Because of course there had been comments. Ben had many said to his face. He had seen the quizzical looks when he and Rey had gone out. People liked to stare at unconventional things, and low and behold, a friendship with a nine year age gap was apparently too much for their heads to wrap around.

And he didn’t want to talk about consequences either. Finch was a big enough asshole that it was probably expected he’d get the shit kicked out of him at least once in a while. Ben wasn’t worried about charges being pressed, or Finch getting his buddies together to jump Ben in some dark and deserted alley. Maybe she was right. One day some one would care enough to get the police involved, or seek revenge. But that day wasn’t today.

Right now they had other things to deal with. There was still a crowd of teenagers just a few yards away, and Rey still drunk off of cheap beer and whatever else they were serving, Right now was not the time to address any of it. To be honest, Ben wasn’t sure if he ever wanted to address it. What was the point? They were friends. They had been friends for almost ten years. That wasn’t going to change just because of a rude remark. That wasn’t going to change because Ben opted to put someone in their place with his fists rather than his words. Because he also didn’t see his temper changing anytime soon, no matter how often his mom was mentioning finding an outlet, or his fucking uncle had tried to get him to write. They were always going to be friends and Ben was always going to have a short fuse. That was the way things always have been and the way they always would be. The rest of the world was just going to have to deal with it. 

Rey didn’t answer. Instead she took another wobbly step forward, opening her mouth to probably argue, before she then pressed her lips together and nodded her head slowly. “Everything’s spinning.” She admitted with a moan, one hand going over to her stomach. He watched as she closed her eyes, clearly trying to fight off another wave of nausea.

“What did you even drink, kid?” Ben moved towards her some more. He had sand in his shoes. He could feel the sand in his shoes. God, he fucking hated the sand. The shit he did for her… But now the roles had switched and it was his turn to try and save the day. Tentatively he placed a hand on Rey’s back, gently helping to steer her away from the beach and towards where his car was parked.

“It was red.”

There was a pause from Ben followed by an exasperated sigh. “Red? That’s seriously all you’ve got?”

“Please don’t make me talk about food right now.”

“I’m not.” Ben frowned. “Red’s a fucking color.”

Rey responded with another loud groan, as she began to lean into him more as they walked. She was a klutz on a good day, let alone while wasted and on top of uneven sand. Ben just gave another shake of his head. There was no point in arguing with her about what was a food versus what was a color. He could tease her over the mix up later. And never let her forget it. Ever.

It was probably the longest walk on the beach that Ben had ever taken. Every few steps it seemed that Rey wanted to stop, either because she thought she was going to be sick again, or she got distracted. At one point she caught sight of people headed towards the water, and the idea of swimming in the water after dark seemed like a grand one. Ben had to almost drag her towards the parking lot at that point, but he eventually got her back on track. And after what seemed like forever, they made their way off of the beach and onto the adjacent street.

“Why’re you here?” Rey abruptly asked as they got closer to Ben’s car. Her voice was too loud and her words slurred. Rey was leaning almost entirely onto Ben at this point. She was nothing but dead weight and jelly legs. Honestly, it would have been easier to just pick her up and carry her to the car. It would have been a hell of a lot quicker, that was for sure. But Finch’s words still echoed in his ears, and the idea of carrying Rey bridal style across the beach seemed as if it would just add fuel to the fire.

Then again, so did punching the guy.

“I’m here,” Ben managed to lean her against the side of his car, as he fumbled to get his keys out of the pocket of his jeans. “Because you were drunk texting me.” 

“Was not.”

“Yes, you did.”

“No. No. _No._ ”

“Yes Rey, you did. You called me the fucking ocean.”

Now she just began to giggle. Ben let out yet another sigh of frustration, though to be honest he really wasn’t as annoyed as he let on. There was no arguing with her, because there was no reasoning with her. He didn’t even know why he bothered. Ben just needed to get her home and it would be fine. His finger hit the unlock button on his key fob, and Ben moved to reach past Rey, aiming for the handle of the passenger door.

Instantly she moved to block him, still grinning in a mischievous way. Her cheeks were flushed a bright pink, and her hair was wind blown and a total mess. Ben had never before realized how many freckles were on her face. He always knew she had freckles; hell, they had been there since she was a kid. But they didn’t just stop on her nose. No, they spread out across her cheeks and up the bridge of her nose, in between her eyebrows and towards her forehead. They were standing about a foot apart at this point, Ben’s arm still reaching out for the doorknob, which was now directly behind her. 

Rey was looking right up at him, her chin tilted up and her front teeth digging into the soft flesh of her bottom lip. She seemed to be thinking; studying him, like he was a riddle that she was trying to solve. Ben felt himself freeze. Suddenly everything seemed to be occurring in slow motion, as if they were trying to run in a strong current of water. He saw her hand reach out, and before he could say or do anything, the tips of her fingers were running through his hair. 

“Your hair’s like a little kids. Always messy. So, so messy.” Rey murmured softly, like the sound of water as it pulled off of the sand. “It’s so long now too. It wasn’t this long last summer. So much changes when we’re apart.”

Everything suddenly felt gauzy and dizzy and unreal, like when you had a high fever and it just didn’t feel like real life anymore. He felt like a deer caught in the headlights, frozen in time, unsure if moving was going to provide an escape or cause things to end right then and there.

And then, just as fast as the moment happened, it was over. Rey’s hand dropped back down to her side and she was swaying forward, trying to step towards him, trying to close the space. Instantly Ben’s mind was full of panic.

 _No, no, no, no._ This couldn’t happen. He wouldn’t let this happen.

Abruptly he stepped back, just as Rey jerked forward, startled by his own sudden movement. The the most surprising thing of all, was that she managed to catch her footing instead of just falling flat on her face. Ben felt warm again, but this was different than an adrenaline rush. No, this was pure panic. He could feel a blush moving up along the back of his neck, and he avoided looking anywhere near her.

“It’s late, we should get home.” The words fell out of his mouth in quick succession, each word running into the next like a set of dominoes; a chain reaction. Again Ben reached forward to pull open the passenger the door. And this time, he succeeded. He just stood there, holding the door open, and waiting for Rey to get in, all while his head was turned and his gaze fixated on some random lamppost across the street.

She climbed in slowly. Ben still didn’t look at her. The moment she was situated on the seat and he heard the click of her seat belt, he shut the door forcefully and moved around to walk around to the driver’s side. Quickly, Ben climbed into the car.

For a while, the only noise was the sound of the ignition starting. Ben pulled away from the curb and began to drive. The entire ride back to their street was full of this strange tension. Ben had reached over to flick on the radio. He nudged the volume up louder, just to have something fill the weird void that hung in the air. After a few minutes, he glanced over at Rey. She was leaning her head against the window, and to be honest looked like she was going to be sick, hopefully from the alcohol in her belly rather than what might or might of just happened outside the car. As they rounded a corner, she gave a loud groan and moved to put her feet up on the dashboard, her head now leaning down towards her knees. Yeah, it was definitely the alcohol.

She was still drunk, Ben reminded himself. She wouldn’t remember any of this in the morning, and he just needed to relax. So what that she had moved forward? Ben wasn’t a mind reader. He didn’t know what she was going to do. He had made an assumption and overreacted. Everything would be fine once Rey sobered up; everything would go back to normal in the morning. It would be fine. It would all be just fine. 

However the closer they got back to Rey’s house, the more Ben realized he had another problem. He didn’t even know what to do with her. Did he drop her off at her house and wish her the best? Did he try and help her sneak into her room? Was Maz even awake at this time? Was she expecting Rey to come back?

He slowed the car down until it was just idling in the middle of the street, Rey’s house on their left and his on their right.

“Rey,” Ben spoke quietly, turning his head to look at her again. God, was she a fucking mess. She lifted her head up, looking up at him, her eyes wide as she realized where they were.

“I can’t go in there.” Rey stated, her voice too loud for the small space, even with the music playing. She dropped her feet from the dashboard to the floor of the car. “If Maz catches me like this, I’m dead. Fucking dead. And I’m not exaggerating. Paige came home tipsy once when she was home from break in college and Maz nearly skinned her alive. We all got lectured for weeks about underage drinking” Rey moved to cover her face with her hands, letting out a moan of despair. “Please Ben. Please, please don’t make me go in there. I don’t think I can be quiet now even if you gave me a million dollars.”

Letting out a sigh, he once again looked over at Rey’s house. The porch light was on, but the rest of the house looked dark. Of course that didn’t mean that Maz wasn’t up waiting. Ben’s experience with Rey’s guardian was minimal, but what he did know was that you could never predict Maz’s next move. Just when you thought you had her figured out, she surprised you by doing something completely different.

“Fine.” The single word came out short, and was followed by a stream of curse words muttered under his breath. Ben abruptly turned the car into his driveway. He should of just stayed home tonight. He should of let her figure this shit out for herself. 

At least it wasn’t midnight yet. At least his mom wasn’t home to see him try and sneak an underage drunk girl into the house. Even if the girl was Rey. Maybe it was worse because the girl was Rey? Who the hell knew. Either way, Ben was grateful to see the house just as empty as he had left it.

Shifting the car into park, Ben turned off the engine and shoved open his door. What did he do now? Give her coffee and fries and hope she sobered up quickly? Toss her into a spare bedroom and hope no one noticed in the morning? Ben was still weighing his options when Rey suddenly moved to push the passenger door open, leaning her head out as the sounds of her vomiting filled the otherwise quiet night.

Right, he really needed to get her inside. Sighing, he moved to get out of the car, coming around to Rey’s side. “Let’s get you inside, kid.” Ben said quietly as he helped her out, being mindful of the mess that was now on the driveway. He made a mental note to come out and rinse that off later. Or maybe it would rain and nature would take care of it. God, this was not how Ben pictured his first Saturday night back at the beach.

They were barely in through the front door when Rey bolted, muttering something about being sick again. Ben watched as she raced up the stairs, turning to go down the hallway and out of sight. He just hoped she made it to the bathroom. Cleaning vomit off a driveway was easy. The carpet would be a different story.

He paused for a moment, wondering if he should just go after her and make sure that she was alright, or to stay away and just give her privacy. After a brief deliberation, he opted for the latter. Rey could handle puking into a toilet, even while still drunk. Ben was just hoping that by the time she was done, her stomach would be empty enough that she would start to sober up. Then maybe they could sneak her back home.

Heading into the kitchen, Ben moved around, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge and a box of saltines from the pantry. By now she had to be over the worst, meaning it was probably safe to go upstairs. He took the back staircase, the one off of the family room, and walked down the dark hallway. The light was still on in the guest bathroom, so he poked his head into the room. The bathmat was a bit rumpled, probably from where Rey had been sitting on the floor, but there was no sign of her. Flicking off the switch, Ben glanced further down the hallway. There was a small light coming from underneath the door at the end of the corridor; his room.

Ben could probably count on one hand the amount of times that he and Rey had been in his room together, let alone, well... alone. Sure, Rey would go in there to borrow a sweatshirt (which she was terrible at giving back), or to see if there were any comics she wanted to read, or even to use his computer, back when he had a desktop. But usually Ben would stay downstairs, or outside on the widow’s walk, where they had been hanging out. 

Maybe it was because Rey was drunk, or what had happened outside the car earlier. Or maybe because the house was empty or maybe because she was getting older. Okay, they were both getting older but Ben had always been the older one. What he wasn’t used to was the idea that Rey was inching towards adulthood. She wasn’t just some kid anymore. She wasn’t the same seven year old that took a strange liking to him and started following him around ten years ago. 

Still, what else was Ben going to do? Just avoid her until his mom came home so he had a chaperon? No. This was Rey. This was the same person who had seen him cry when his dog died; who had been around when his parents told him they were officially divorcing, which had both been a shock and entirely expected. This was _Rey_. She wouldn’t let feelings ruin what they had going. She wouldn’t be stupid and cliche enough to have a.. a.. fucking crush on him. Would she? 

No. Ben was just being stupid. He was letting other opinions and voices work their way into head. He was overthinking the whole thing. They were friends. Best friends and that was it. They were only going to ever be best friends. She was like a little sister to him, anyways. She was mistaken for his younger sister all the time. Ben just needed to stop letting fucking comments from idiots like Finch Dallow get to him. Finch had been kicked out of the local community college which was notorious for accepting any and everybody. You had to practically complete a mass murder to get expelled. What did that asshole know about anything, anyways? Especially his relationship with Rey.

Ben brushed off any thoughts to the side, as his hand curled around the doorknob and he opened the door.

She was asleep.

Rey hadn’t even bothered to take her shoes off. She wasn’t under any of the covers. There she was, just laying on top of his dark gray comfort, her body curled up into the shape of a scrunched up ‘s’. She must of taken care of business in the bathroom, and crawled straight to his room. The light was still on, but Rey was snoring, and clearly nothing was going to come between her and sleep right now. 

So Ben set the water and crackers down on the nightstand, beside the bed, before he moved to tug her shoes off, letting them land on the floor with two soft ‘plops’. He grabbed a blanket from the foot of his bed, and moved to cover her. Rey still had the black sweatshirt on; his sweatshirt, and she was probably covered in sand. His bed was going to smell like the beach, campfire smoke, and cheap booze tomorrow. Ben added to his mental chore list for later; after cleaning off the driveway he was going to need to wash his sheets.

But at least she was sleeping. In some ways, it made the whole night easier. 

Heading back downstairs, Ben was trying his best to not replay the night over in his head. He didn’t want to think about. He didn’t want to think about the fight even though the skin of his knuckles still stung. Ben didn’t want to think about the way Rey had been angry with him. He didn’t want to think about the way she had yelled at him on the beach and the rest of their conversation, or well, lack there of. He didn’t want to even think about his promise to discuss it in the morning.

And Ben didn’t want to think about the way she had looked, leaning against the car. He didn’t want to think about the way she had looked him; how it had taken him off guard because she had never looked at him that way before. He didn’t want to think about the way her fingers had felt running through his hair and the way they had been standing so close almost as if... No, he didn’t want to think about any of it. Especially _that._

Ben sat down on the couch in the family room, his body seated near the edge as if he was ready to jump up at the first sound, whether it was his mother finally arriving or Rey upstairs. He leaned forward, raking a hand back through his hair, before he let his palm drag over his face. Fuck, this was such a mess.

Letting out a growl of frustration, Ben leaned back, his neck resting against the back of the couch, his face tilted up towards the ceiling. All he wanted to do, at this point, was get some sleep. He could go into the guest room or hell, sleep down on the couch. It was pretty comfy, after all. But he should stay up. He needed to figure out what he was going to say to his mom. He needed to figure out what he was going to say to Rey in the morning. 

Plus there was still that puke on the driveway…

Lost in his thoughts, Ben didn’t even hear the front door unlock and subsequently open. The sound of his mother’s voice didn’t even register in his mind, as she spoke to the driver outside, instructing where her bags should go. No, Ben didn’t notice any of it until he opened his eyes to see his mother towering over him, something that hadn’t happened since he was probably ten. She was grinning that trademark smirk of hers, leaning over to look down at her only child.

“Hello, sweetheart. Nice of you to stay up to greet me.”

Ben didn’t even have a single excuse or explanation formed in his mind. Fuck, this probably wasn’t going to go so well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i said i would update wednesday and here it is saturday, but i'm just going to blame holiday craziness and a hectic work week on that. i sincerely apologize, but at least it's finally here! i had a lot of fun writing from ben's pov, and in some ways it was it felt a bit easier and in other ways, i worried about getting the right balance of typical ben solo moodiness all while also giving insight into his own thoughts/feelings.
> 
> again i appreciate any and all comments/feedback and let me know what you think! i'm pretty positive this story is going to be primarily rey's pov, with occasional chapters from ben's, and maybe even occasionally someone else, though i'm not 100% sure about that yet.
> 
> fun fact: finch dallow was a resistance bomber pilot in TLJ, who was in the same squadron as paige tico, and on the same bomber ship that she was on. i stole his name for the jerk at the party. layne is the surname of the actor who plays finch. 
> 
> i love finding little characters to work into the story, along with more major ones, though i'm still trying to figure out how to work the droids in! i might go the usual animal way, but i'm not entirely sold on that either, so if anyone has any suggestions, i would love to hear them!
> 
> again, hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The first thing that Rey noticed, was how bright the room was. Too bright. Painfully bright. The moment she opened her eyes, she instantly regretted that decision, and was rolling over to bury her head back underneath her covers.
> 
> Her covers which didn’t smell like the generic laundry detergent that Maz always bought.
> 
> She was in Ben’s bedroom."

They first met when Rey was seven. It was memorial day weekend. The unofficially official signal that summer was about to start. She was sitting out on the front porch, licking away at a blue popsicle, which was beginning to melt despite the somewhat overcast skies. Her hands were coated in melted blue sugar, and Rey kept dragging her palms along her jean shorts, constantly trying to wipe the sticky sensation away.

A moving truck was parked across the street, a couple men wearing a uniform of tee shirts and cargo pants were unloading various boxes and pieces of furniture. This wasn’t an unusual sight to see. Constantly houses were being sold, or sometimes rich renters who were staying for the whole summer would bring their own things for extended stays. Rey always loved to watch people move. She felt like a spy; like someone trying to figure out the answer to a riddle, and the only clues being the belongings that were unloaded from whatever vehicle they had arrived in. In fact, Rey couldn’t even remember if she ever even saw anyone in that particular house before today, which made her mission that much more urgent.

It was a large house. Probably the biggest on the street. It was as white as paper, with a dark gray roof and a long, wrap around porch that seemed to go on for miles. It towered over the other houses too, standing tall and proud with a total of three stories. But it wasn’t just it’s large stature that drew Rey in. That house had history. It wasn’t one of those sleek and modern looking new builds that seemed to be always popping up where tiny, shingle sided shacks had once sat. No, this house had withstand the test of time, and now apparently was getting a new lease on life with some new occupants.

She was so busy watching the movers, that Rey didn’t even notice when the occupants of said house, arrived. In fact, between trying to eat her popsicle and watching the show before her, she didn’t notice anyone apart from the moving men. Once again Rey had been lost in her own world; her own fantasies as she began to picture what kind of family would be moving in. She hoped they would have a kid her age; someone new to play with. Maybe they would have one of those new razor scooters that everyone in her grade seemed to be getting for their birthday or Christmas. Maybe they would be nice and let Rey have a ride...

“Hey!”

The voice was sharp. It jolted Rey out of her daydreaming, her eyes instantly narrowing in annoyance. She turned her head, seeing a tall boy a few feet away. Boy probably wasn’t the best way to describe him, but neither was man. He was older than Rey, that much she knew; a teenager. Fifteen, sixteen? He had dark hair and prominent features. He had on a black tee shirt and a pair of jeans despite the fact that Rey felt warm just in her own shorts and tee combo. The corner of his lips were curled down into a deep set frown. Even from first glance and at the young age of seven, she could tell that this seemed to be this boy-man’s default facial setting.

It was a look that would send most kids stammering or running for an adult. But Rey wasn’t like that. She couldn’t be like that. So, Rey just gave what she was given; she scowled back, trying to match his annoyance and anger. It must of looked pretty ridiculous, like a small dog trying to appear tough, because it caused his face to relax, slowly morphing from irritation into confusion. She watched as his dark brown eyes took her in; her tee shirt stained and her melting popsicle, still only half eaten in her hand.

“What?” Rey finally found her voice as she moved to slowly stand up and once again wiping her palm along her denim shorts. Maz was going to kill her for the amount of blue dye that was stuck in her clothes, but what else did she expect from a popsicle on a warm day? At least it hadn’t been a red one.

The boy seemed to hesitate, but it was fleeting and brief. He gave a roll of his eyes, folding his arms across his chest. “If you would take a picture it would last longer.” Came his retort, his voice clipped and to the point.

Now it was Rey’s turn to roll her eyes. She rather suddenly held up her hand, struggling for just a moment until only her middle finger sticking straight up, the rest of her digits curled into a fist. It was a gesture that felt bold and way beyond her years because, well it was. Rey didn’t even really understand the gravity of the gesture either. She didn’t even know what it meant. It had just been something one of the other boys living in Maz’s house had seen in a late night movie that he had started to use during fights and squabbles around the house, whenever Maz wasn’t looking. Rey had done the gesture in pure reflex. It was the only comeback that seemed to be a worthy response.

And it worked. Sort of.

The older boy paused, a look of shock momentarily appearing on his face before a smirk twitched at his lips. “What’s your name, kid?”

“Rey.” She paused, suddenly feeling slightly shy and very aware of the frantically melting popsicle that she was clutching tightly. She paused before adding, “What’s yours?”

“Ben.”

\- - - - - - -

The first thing that Rey noticed, was how bright the room was. Too bright. Painfully bright. The moment she opened her eyes, she instantly regretted that decision, and was rolling over to bury her head back underneath her covers.

Her covers which didn’t smell like the generic laundry detergent that Maz always bought.

The covers that were softer; were lighter and more airy, instead of the fleece sheets that Rey insisted on keeping on her bed all year round. Even in the middle of summer, Rey seemed to get cold in her bedroom. Of course that probably had something more to do with Maz’s insistence that the house stayed at a cool 65 degrees all year round. Rey missed the days when her guardian didn’t have hot flashes.

The covers, that Rey was beginning to realized, were an entirely different color. And when did her bed get so big? And her mattress so soft?

Instantly she sat up, letting out a groan as her head gave another throb. She brought a hand up to her temple, rubbing the ache with her thumb, as the rest of her fingers tried to shield away some of the light. No, Rey certainly wasn’t in her room, anymore. She wasn’t even in her house.

She was in Ben’s bedroom.

Despite the fact that Rey hadn’t logged a lot of hours in Ben’s bedroom over the years, she could still probably draw it in a heartbeat. Or at the very least make a descriptive list of everything in it. It, much like Ben, didn’t really change. Maybe a poster was swapped out for something else. Maybe every few years a new comforter would appear on the bed. But that was really it. Slight cosmetic changes, while the essence of the room stayed the same. It was comforting. A constant in her life, just like Ben. Another solid, tangible thing that Rey could rely on. Just like the way Rose always cried when she heard ‘Iris’ by the Goo Goo Dolls play, and the way Finn always turned into a monster when they played Monopoly. Just like the way she could always count on Maz to comb out her hair and french braid it when she was _really_ upset, and the way that Ben always showed up at her front door bright and early on her birthday, ready to spend the day doing whatever she pleased. 

And just like Ben’s room never looked different, it also was always clean. Rey had always marveled at how neat Ben kept his bedroom. She was a complete slob, something that often drove Rose nuts. In fact, it was the only time that Rey and her pseudo foster sister ever got into shouting matches, when they were trying to clean up their room. Rose was neat, like Ben. Rey couldn’t find her clothes when they were folded and put away in her drawers, but she had no time locating anything when it was in a heap on her floor.

Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, the floor seemed to lurch the moment that her toes touched the ground. Her head was still pounding away, and now her stomach gave a severe lurch. Rey was going to be sick. She was going to be sick all over Ben’s pristine room and then she was going to vow to never drink again.

Slowly she let her body drop to the floor, thankful that the trashcan was within arm’s reach. His trashcan wasn’t always beside his bed, was it? Maybe it had migrated during the non-summer months while Ben was gone. Or maybe Ben had put it right beside the bed, anticipating something like this happening. 

Rey let out another moan as her stomach gave another jolt. The location of the trashcan didn’t matter. But the location of Ben on the other hand…. Where was Ben?

It took Rey a good solid five minutes before she attempted to stand again. She took her time, slowly rising to her feet. It was then that she noticed a glass of water on the nightstand. She had no idea if it was meant for her, or leftover from Ben. Rey, honestly didn’t really care. Raising the glass to her lips, the water was refreshingly cool. She took small sips, followed by a bigger gulps. Rey hadn’t realized just how thirsty she was. For a moment Rey thought her belly being full of water would make it worse, but then the nausea seemed to pass and she felt better.

Looking down, Rey saw that she was still in the same clothes that she had worn to the party last night, complete with the too big sweatshirt that she had ironically stolen out of this very bedroom, light years ago. Slowly she was getting little bits and pieces from the night before; drinking something that tasted far too sweet, followed by texting Ben. And then there was an argument? With her? No. She had watched an argument? Then it was just a jumbled mess. God, her head hurt. Bad. Why did people drink if they felt like this the next morning?

Setting her glass back down, Rey spotted her phone also on the nightstand. She picked it up, seeing a couple texts from Finn asking where she went, followed by a long lecture from Rose, that basically boiled down to ‘I’ll cover you this time but you owe me an explanation.’ There was also a missed call and message from Maz, reminding Rey not to spend too much time at Finn’s, because it was Rey’s turn to mow the yard, which she needed to do before her shift at work started.

The other notifications were from either number’s that Rey didn’t know or people she knew but didn’t text often. Rey ignored them. Her head hurt bad enough just reading what was necessary. She could figure out the rest later. Besides, it couldn’t be that important, could it?

 

Slipping her phone into the pocket of her (Ben’s) sweatshirt, Rey again looked around his room. It was a little after ten in the morning, though then again Rey had no idea what time she had gone to sleep that night, so trying to figure if she got enough sleep was pointless. Her stomach had settled, but her head still hurt and the idea of curling up in Ben’s bed for a few more hours didn’t sound like the worst idea in the world. But she also wanted to know where her best friend was, if she was hogging his room. Plus beginning to fill in some blanks from how she started her night at the beach and ended up here, wouldn’t be a bad thing. Rey made a mental note to call Rose before she went home, to make sure their cover stories added up, in case Maz asked either of them any questions.

Curiosity won out over more sleep, so Rey poked her head out of the bedroom. The upstairs floor was quiet. The only noise that Rey could faintly hear was what sounded like a weather report on the TV, along with the quiet murmurs of two people talking. That caused her to frown. Who could Ben be talking to? He wasn’t the type to put his phone calls on speaker, and he hadn’t mentioned anything about his mom coming to stay at the beach house. Rey loved Leia, but despite how much of an open book the older women was, ready to talk about any and all subjects, Rey really didn’t want to explain why she had spent the night in her son’s room.

\- - - - - - -

The moment his mom had shown up last night, Ben had basically mumbled a bunch of vague excuses about Rey having fallen asleep in his room unexpectedly and she wasn’t feeling good, and to be honest, Ben wasn’t sure what else he had blurted out. Looking back, Ben didn’t know why he hadn’t just told his mother the truth; that Rey got drunk at a party, he had gone to pick her up, and obviously she couldn’t go home so here she was. Leia Organa wasn’t an idiot. She had been able to tell when he was hung over after a ‘late night of video gaming’, and she had always given him that knowing look; the one that said the jig was up, but there would only be a conversation about it if Ben started it.

Of course he never did.

Then again, in hindsight honestly always was the best policy, right? And who knew? Maybe Ben was just tired. Maybe he was still trying to figure out what had just happened; why the air around Rey had suddenly turned into something thick; something tense that you could cut with a knife. Maybe Ben just didn’t want to hear a lecture from his mom the politician about lowering the drinking age and normalizing alcohol so that teenagers didn’t feel the need to sneak around and over do it. Or maybe it was just a combination of all of the above. 

So he had blurted out his excuses, said something about he was tired and was going to sleep in the guest room, and had began to bolt towards the stairs.

_”You know that she loves you, Ben. Just… don’t hurt her, sweetheart. Let her down easy before she falls too deep.”_

Ben had paused. It had only been for a split second but it had felt so much longer. Then without saying another word, his back still to his mother and his face beginning to flush, Ben had made his way upstairs.

Of course he couldn’t sleep. He laid in the spare bedroom, tossing and turning, hating how unfamiliar the bed felt, and how the curtains didn’t block out enough moonlight, and what if Rey woke up and just puked everywhere or didn’t know where she was, and was still drunk and tried to leave and…

Eventually, after so much tossing and turning, Ben had somehow, miraculously found a way to fall asleep.

The sleep didn’t last long. Ben was up with the sun (again he blamed the damn curtains and their incapability of doing their fucking job). He poked his head into his bedroom. Rey was asleep, pretty much in the same position that he had left her the night before. The glass of water and the trashcan had both been untouched, and the faint sound of her snores were filling the room. She was out, and probably would be for a couple more hours.

So Ben quietly grabbed a pair of gym shorts from his dresser, changed in the guest bathroom down the hall, and opted to go out to the garage where the punching bag was.

As a teenager, his uncle had always lectured him on the perks of exercise for one’s mind. He had always encouraged Ben to go running. His father had always wanted him to take up boxing, or at the very least to take out his frustrations on a punching bag. But not Uncle Luke. What did he say? Oh yes, ‘if you start hitting something to get out your frustrations, it becomes harder to stop.’ But Ben, always wanting to please his dad and prove they had something more than good hair in common, had gone with boxing. And to be honest, the hitting felt good. For years, it had been his go to outlet; a way he just let out any pent up feelings out.

And for a while, it had worked. But lately the punching bags hadn’t felt like they were doing the job. Fuck, even punching a hole in the wall didn’t have the same satisfaction that it once had. Ben could still remember one of the last big arguments before his parents officially ‘separated’. Ben had gotten into a fight at school, got a lecture at home and ended up putting a fist size hole into his bedroom wall. His mother had been pissed; had told Han how this was what Luke was afraid of. That Ben should of tried another way to let his anger out. Of course Han wasn’t having any of that. He had fired back about how Ben was his son, not Luke’s and if Luke wanted to try parenting he could have kids of his own.

That fight ended the same as the rest; name calling, his father leaving and his mother drinking an entire bottle of wine before going to bed with a ‘migraine’. And Ben was left downstairs, feeling like it was his job to pick up the pieces and put everything all back together. 

Ever the stubborn Solo, Ben refused to give up. He liked the power he felt, knowing what to do with his body and his fists. He liked the satisfaction of beating the shit out of something, hell even someone. And yes, part of that scared Ben. Part of Ben thought that he would just grow out it; that as he got older those out of control feelings would right themselves, like the rest of his crazy teen hormones. But he was twenty-five now, almost twenty-six, and Ben was still waiting for the time he started to throw punches and he couldn’t stop.

Of course that didn’t stop Ben from boxing. On one hand, he liked to temp fate; liked to toe the line of having complete control and ready to loose it in a split second. He supposed it was the same adrenaline rush and natural high you got from driving really fast. One wrong move and you could crash. One slip up and that would be the end of it.

After all, that’s what had happened to his dad.  
Han Solo wasn’t what Ben wanted to think about, though. Han Solo wasn’t the reason he came out to the garage before the sun was barely breaking over the horizon.

This time, it was Rey.

The garage at the beach house had always been used for storage. The only cars that had been parked inside of it were ones that his father had worked on when he came to the beach. Of course Han’s trips to the beach house were few and far between, and so were the cars that he liked to fix. Once the last one (a 1976 Falcon) had been restored to all it’s glory, Han hadn’t bothered with another one. At that point his visits over the summer were basically nonexistent. His tools slowly disappeared (either because his mother threw them away after a fight or packed them up to take home after they had made up) and so Ben had put a punching bag, along with some weights out here. If no one else was going to use the garage, he might as well.

He had made it pretty nice too. There were some weights that he got at a yard sale in the corner, and a couple summers ago, Ben had gotten a new punching bag, one that he had mounted to the ceiling in the center of the room. Carelessly he tossed down his water bottle, before he moved to pick up the discarded strips of fabric from the workbench that had previously housed his father’s tools.

Taking his time, he carefully wrapped his left hand and then his right. Once the pieces of fabric felt secure and in place, he slipped on the old, worn pair of boxing gloves that he kept here. Once his hands were dressed and ready to go, Ben moved towards the paint splattered stereo which also was on the workbench and was another leftover from his dad. He flicked it on, and instantly the sounds of a Franz Ferdinand song began to play. With his fingers, he nudged the volume up a bit louder, began to jump slightly on the balls of his feet, and then he began to punch.

Ben wasn’t stupid. He knew that there was a chance this could happen. He knew once Rey hit her teen years, that things could get weird. But he thought they were better than that; that their relationship was too strong to be deterred by crazy hormones. 

Ben guessed wrong.

He couldn’t pin point exactly when he noticed it. Hell, he would be surprised if Rey could pin point it either. At first it was just the way she would turn red so easily. Her cheeks would flush when he would tease her, and her first instinct was always to just get mad at him. And then Ben began to way the prolonged looks; the way he would catch her staring just a beat too long. And the way she always seemed startled if his hand brushed against hers, or their legs bumped together when they sat on the porch swing.

So Ben just did what he did best; he ignored it and hoped it would go away.

And it sort of did.

They had their ups and downs; had their moments when they were talked more than others. And probably a lot of that was due to Ben. Because as important as Rey was in his life, he hadn’t always wanted his pseudo kid sister tagging along, or blowing up his phone with stupid memes, or calling three times a day to tell him all about her science fair project. So yes, sometimes he blew her off. Sometimes he canceled last minute on their plans during the summer and their scheduled phone calls during the school year. And sometimes it was to hang out with his other friends or to go out with some girl. And sometimes it was for a shitty, lame reason like he just wanted to drink beer and smoke cigarettes in peace. And sometimes Ben just forgot. Sometimes Ben just got wrapped up in his own world away from the beach, where he had to deal with school and jobs, and his mother and her job and sometimes Ben felt like he had zero energy to give back to Rey.

Which fucking sucked, because who did Rey have? She had Maz, who had never been Ben’s number one fan but she at least did a good job of raising all the kids she took in. And Rey had her friends, the guy who loved show tunes and the smart girl that seemed way too fucking wise to still only be in high school.

But that was it. Rey had three people she could count on. Three people she cared about. Three people and Ben.

And Ben? Ben had Rey. And that was it.

So maybe he wasn’t the best fake big brother. Maybe he was a pretty shitty one at that, but Rey had Ben and Ben had Rey and that’s all that really mattered, right? So Rey couldn’t ruin it. She couldn’t tarnish something that was so fucking _important_ to him, by getting god damn feelings involved. Ben wouldn’t allow it. He would rather keep her at arm’s length until this weird stage passed, until they could go back to being just Ben and Rey without any complications. They could go back to hanging out without Ben feeling like he had to overly think about what he did or say. He just wanted things to go back to being normal.

And then, whether it had happened last night at the party or it was something that had always been there, buried deep down, waiting to come to head, Ben realized he had feelings too.

He hit the punching bag harder.

And harder.

And harder.

And he kept hitting until his knuckles throbbed and his wrists ached and his dark hair was drenched in sweat. 

He kept hitting until Ben had nothing more to give. Usually by now he felt better. Usually by now Ben felt as if at least a tiny ounce of progress was made.

Not this time.

So he took off his boxing gloves, unwrapped his hands and picked up his water bottle. He took large drinks from it, only pausing to use the hem of his tee shirt to wipe at the sweat on his face. His chest was rising and falling rapidly. A glance out the window told him a lot of time had passed. The sun was shining high up in the blue sky, and he could only avoid his mother and Rey for so long.

Taking one more drink of water, Ben turned to flip the radio off, before he walked out of the garage.

\- - - - - - -

When she first got placed in Maz’s care, Rey had gotten pretty good at sneaking to the top of the stairs. It was the perfect place to eavesdrop in most two story houses. You could stay hidden out of sight, but could hear almost everything going on. Unless you knew which air vents were connected, it was honestly the best place to listen in, especially if you timed it just right after you were supposed to go to bed. Anytime Rey brought home a bad report card, or got in trouble, she would wait an hour or two after being sent to her room, then creep to the staircase to hear what Maz really had to say.

Her guardian had a habit of calling an old friend a few times a week, usually once all the kids were in bed. Her name was Ahsoka Tano, and she lived out on the west coast. Rey had met her a handful of times. She usually came to stay once a year, usually for the fourth of July. Rey loved when Ahsoka came to visit. Not only because she enjoyed the older woman’s spunk and the way she would talk about Maz when they both had been teenagers; Rey also liked seeing her guardian so happy. Maz worked hard to provide a good life for all the kids in her care. Even after a child would age out of the system, they still had a place at Maz’s. Some came back for Christmas or Thanksgiving. Others would just show up needing a place to crash in between semesters at college. Maz was always there to welcome them with open arms, though it was always accompanied by a speech that seemed to guide you in just the right direction. She had a way about her; that she didn’t coddle but she knew when you just needed a hug. She never yelled, but it didn’t take much to know when you were in deep trouble. Maz had that right balance, especially for kids like Rey who had been through the ringer, usually before they even learned how to ride a bike.

And yet, when Ahsoka was around… Maz was still her same old self, but also different. She relaxed a little bit. Smiled more. Laughed a lot. Ahsoka brought out a different side to Maz, and it was nice to see her enjoy the company of an old friend, and in a fleeting moment through nostalgia, become a teenager again.

Not to mention it also made it easier to sneak in past curfew, without Maz watching the clock and front door like a hawk.

But even before Rey had met Ahsoka in person, she had been grateful for Maz’s nightly calls to her oldest friend. Because it was eavesdropping on those calls that Rey learned when she had just pushed her guardian too far on the wrong night, or when she had truly disappointed Maz. She could tell if she really was grounded for a whole month, or if she did enough chores, then by the weekend Maz might let her hang out with Finn for a couple hours. 

It was thanks to Ahsoka and her late night phone calls with Maz, that Rey really perfected the art of eavesdropping.

\- - - - - - -

“Did you give anymore thought to what I said, last night?”

Ben closed his eyes, bringing a hand up to rub at his right eye. No, he hadn’t. He didn’t want the lecture last night, and he certainly didn’t want it now.

The moment he had walked into the kitchen, his mother had been standing there. Waiting for him, probably. After all, Leia never shied away from confrontation. She had no problem speaking her mind. Somethings she let slide. Despite the turbulent relationship his parents had shared, Ben had to give it to his mom, she knew when to push buttons and when to back off. But she would also only back off so many times. Ben had a feeling he had used all of his ‘get out of jail free’ cards. He wasn’t going to be able to just walk away from her this time. Of course that didn’t mean that Ben wasn’t going to try.

“I need to shower.” He had barely stepped into the kitchen and he was taking long strides in the direction of the stairs.

“Benjamin, sit.”

Even at twenty-five, the tone of Leia’s voice was enough to make him freeze. He debated just carrying on; of going upstairs and locking the bathroom door behind him. But if his mother wanted to talk, then she would probably just follow him. And if she followed him upstairs, there was a higher chance that Rey would wake up and overhear the conversation. If Rey overheard, well it ruined his grand plan of ignoring anything that had occurred last night; anything that could lead to uncomfortable discussions about feelings and boundaries. It would completely forfeit any and all chances of just carrying on as they always did, tip toeing around this invisible line that they never dared to cross.

So, slowly Ben moved to turn around. But he didn’t sit down at one of the bar stools that were tucked neatly under the large kitchen island. And he didn’t sit at the breakfast table, which was already set with a pitcher of milk and all the cereal boxes lined up in a neat display. Leia was never one to cook. But she could order take out like her life depended on it, and could make a breakfast of cereal appear to be a fulfilling, well rounded meal, just by presentation alone. Then again, his mother had always been good at appearances. It was only when you got more up close that you saw the fractures and fault lines.

Ben could listen without actually doing what his mother said. He had years of practice. No, Ben wasn’t going to sit. Instead he walked over to the fridge, grabbing a carton of orange juice and ignoring the beautifully arrange pitcher and glasses that were already out on the table. He unscrewed the lid and took a long swig straight from the carton. Already Ben could feel his mother’s eyes narrowing as they fixed him with a steely glare.

After he took the longest drink possible, Ben lowered the carton and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. It was only then that he actually turned to look at his mother, who was now seated at the kitchen island, her hands clasped around a light blue mug, with steam swirling up from the top. Leia was still dressed in her pajamas and robe, all a beautiful shade of crisp, creamy white. Ben didn’t know how his mother always could wear white without spilling a single thing on it. He knew that she tried to take it easy at the beach house. He knew that she had always tried to set aside time for her family, and to turn her cell phone or pager or laptop off. But it was hard to get away from a world that you were trying to save, even if it was through the questionable path of American politics.

Ben didn’t really blame her. He had always tried to not get mad when his mother had to rearrange plans or cut her trips short because of work. At least she was doing something noble. At least she had a decent excuse.

“Ben,” Leia’s voice was firm but had a softer edge. It was the same voice she used when she told Ben that his pet lizard had died when he was ten. It was the same voice that she had used when Ben had been sent to live with his uncle, for a ‘fresh start’ and a ‘new beginning’. It was a mixture between her senator’s voice and her mom voice. A balance for when she had something difficult to say but she wanted to somehow soften the blow.

He didn’t say anything. And after a moment, Leia took his silence for compliance and continued on.

“You know I love Rey. You know how I’ve always felt like she was an extension of this family.” Ben just stood there, his gaze meeting his mother’s yet his face was stoic; was unreadable and blank. He wasn’t going to waver. He wasn’t going to give anything away.

She paused again, shifting in her seat and readjusting her grip on the mug of what Ben presumes to be coffee. “Rey has always been really good for you, sweetheart. She brings out a different side of you. She always has, even when you were a moody teenager who wore too much black.” She’s smiling at him now, a small smirk and he knows that she’s trying to lighten the mood. He knows that she’s trying to get him to relax; to open up.

Ben continues to stand there, not moving apart from slowly closing the refrigerator door when it begins to beep at him, a sign that he’s had it opened for too long. Again, he says nothing.

“I just don’t want you to get into a… difficult situation. I don’t want Rey to take the way she cares about you and the way you care about her the wrong way. It might have been light years ago, but I was a teenage girl once. I can understand how things can be misinterpreted, and I know Rey hasn’t had the easiest life and this undivided attention you give her-”

“I get it.” Ben cuts her off, his voice abruptly cuts through hers. Ben knows exactly where she’s going. He doesn’t need to hear it out loud.

“You’re twenty-five, Ben. She’s sixteen. I just don’t want you to get caught in some sort of difficult situation and having her spend the night, no matter what the reason-”

“I said I get it.” He interrupted her again, this time his voice increasing in volume and echoing slightly in the kitchen. He could feel his heart beating faster. Maybe it was just left over adrenaline from boxing in the garage. Maybe it had more to do with what his mom was saying. Maybe it was because he just didn’t want to be having this conversation; because he didn’t see the point in this conversation.

Thankfully, Leia seemed to get the point. She gave a small nod before raising her coffee cup to her lips to take a slow sip. With the talk over, Ben mumbled again about needing to take a shower and made his way towards the staircase. This time, his mother didn’t try to stop him. 

Ben kept his gaze down as he began to make his way up the stairs. His brain felt numb and at the same time overwhelmed with thoughts; with what to say or what to do. About if he should even say or do anything at all. Maybe had he not been so preoccupied, he would of seen movement at the top of the staircase; would of seen a flash of black fabric and brown hair, as a figure darted away from her concealed perch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't think that I forgot about this story! my goal had been to write a lot over the holidays, and of course that plan didn't happen. i had a rough idea of how i wanted this chapter to go, but then when i actually sat down to write it out, things went in a slightly different direction and it took longer to get my thoughts sorted. i kept playing around with how i wanted to work the flashbacks in. i'm still not 100% about the order and how it switches back and forth between pov's, but it is what it is! 
> 
> not really any ben/rey interaction in this chapter, but i promise plenty of it in the next one! 
> 
> thanks again for all the support, comments and kudos! i'm so happy that people are enjoying it, and i really appreciate any/all feedback in the comments! thanks so much!


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